


Complicated Grief

by PencilNeck



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-11
Updated: 2010-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-07 04:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PencilNeck/pseuds/PencilNeck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mostly funny, with scattered violence and random outbursts of torrential ANGST! I'm calling it a Romaction Dramedy.  Buffy goes after a rogue slayer, but someone's already hot on the trail.  Spoilers for Season 8 comics into Wolves At The Gate.  Written in 2008.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could be confusing to those that haven't followed the Comic Season 8. Don't want to add spoilers to the comments. Hopefully you'll be alright.

Chapter 1:  Shock

 

“It’s not enough.”

 

Buffy sighs and flops onto the bed.  Looks back at Satsu with sad eyes. 

 

“Everybody says that.”  Buffy sighs.  “Why does everybody say that?”

 

“My guess?  The same reason I’m saying it now.”  Satsu won’t sit on the bed.  Sitting leads to lying down. Which leads to nakedness and tricky athletic positions.  So Satsu will stand.  “It’s like I’m so close to everything I’ve ever wanted, and I still can’t have it.”

 

“There’s been a lot of having!  Me having you, you having me…”  Buffy rolls onto her stomach.  “…and there’s been having at the same time...  I’m all for the having.”

 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it!”  Satsu rolls her eyes.

 

“I know.  It’s the, ‘I’m so distant and I don’t share what I’m thinking and I put everything on myself, blah blah blah, I’m such a horrible selfish person’ thing, right?”

 

“Take out the ‘horrible’ and you’ve got it.”  Satsu looks at Buffy, right in the eye. 

 

“I notice you’re not protesting the whole ‘selfish’ part too much.”  Buffy watches a strand of Satsu’s hair fall out of her carefully constructed bun.  It’s blue.  _Pretty._ 

 

“And I notice you’re not protesting the whole ‘me dumping you’ part too much.”  Satsu flicks the piece of hair back behind her ear. 

 

“I noticed that too.”  Buffy frowns her thinking frown.  “Wonder why that is?”

 

“Because you don’t love me, Buffy.”  Satsu is very brave.  She sits on the bed.  “And if you don’t love me by now, you probably won’t.”

 

“It’s only been a month!”  Buffy lets her frustration out.  “I’ve had lip gloss longer than that and not known if I even liked it!  How am I supposed to know anything after one measly month?”

 

“I can’t answer that.  I just know that I can’t do this anymore.”  Satsu takes Buffy’s hand.  “I love you, Buffy.  And I want… so many things.  Things I know I can’t ask for, and won’t ever get.  So, instead of killing myself trying to make you see that you could love me back?  I’m gonna let you go.”

 

“But…  What if I just need…”  Buffy’s chin starts the trembling.  It soon moves up to her lower lip.  As the tears come tumbling down her cheeks, Buffy chokes out the last word.  “…time?”

 

“Then we’ll see.”  Satsu knows the tears aren’t for her.  That it’s not about Buffy losing her.  It’s just about losing.  “I’m not going anywhere.”  She stands up and makes her way to the door.

 

“I thought you weren’t going anywhere?”  Buffy panics, jumping up and rushing over.

 

“I meant in general, silly.”  Satsu brushes the tears from Buffy’s face.  Her hand continues its caress.  Her thumb trailing across Buffy’s throat as her hand reaches the collarbone.  She hears Buffy sigh. 

 

Buffy leans into Satsu’s body, pushing them both up against the door.  Feels the familiar curves that fit so nicely against hers.  She slips her hands under Satsu’s kitty-cat tank top, searching for skin.  “What does this mean?  That I want… to touch you?”

 

“I don’t…  Ahhh…”  Satsu feels Buffy’s hand slide down her back.  And down.  And down-er.  Grabbing and kneading and pulling her closer.  “…think…  Mmmm…” 

 

“Don’t go.”  Buffy murmurs into Satsu’s ear.  Nibbling with teeth and teasing with tongue.  “Please?” 

 

“You’re making this… Hnungh!”  Satsu grunts as Buffy easily glides a hand across her stomach and down between her skin and her boy shorts.  “…h-harder…”

 

“Making what harder?”  Buffy uses her fingers.  Finds what she’s looking for.  “This?”  Starts slow circular strokes.  “I thought that was the whole point?”

 

Satsu wraps her arms around Buffy’s neck before her knees buckle.  “Wha… ungh…  Whhhh…”  No more talking for Satsu.

 

 

Buffy’s fingers increase their speed, pressing down harder.  Satsu’s breathy display of vowel sounds tickles Buffy’s ear. 

 

Satsu feels her body tense.  Her arms tighten around Buffy’s neck.  Her legs shake and her knees give in.  Her groan turns into a muted squeak.  And then it’s all fuzzy and warm. 

 

Buffy holds her tight.  Gently takes her hand away.  Brings it up to her lips, and starts to suck each finger carefully clean.  Satsu takes Buffy’s hand with her shaky one. 

 

“Y-you cut your nails…”  She licks the tip of Buffy’s index finger.

 

“Yeah.”  Buffy pouts.  “You asked me to.”  She leans in for a deep kiss.  Satsu tastes herself on Buffy’s lips and tongue.  Her hand catches the hair at Buffy’s neck and she grasps it hard.  Pulling her closer.  Always trying to get closer. 

 

“Please don’t leave me?”  Buffy moans it into Satsu’s mouth.  “I need you.” 

 

Three words.  The wrong words. 

 

Satsu pulls out of the kiss.  Teary eyed and still trembling, she pulls away.  Satsu is very brave.  She takes a moment to know that.

 

“No.  You don’t.”  She adjusts her clothes.  Slides over to open the door.  Doesn’t share the hurt in her eyes.  “You just don’t want to be alone.” 

 

“Satsu?”  Buffy looks confused.  _There was kissing…_ 

 

_And now we’re back to crying and leaving?_  Buffy’s panic returns.

 

“I think… maybe I could… someday...”

 

It’s not enough. 

 

Buffy’s words hit the door and fall to the ground.

 

*****

 

“We got a hit!”  Xander points at the screen with triumph.

 

It’s blurry.  A bank machine security cam.  But it’s definitely her. 

 

“She was using a stolen card.  The local cops are after her for armed robbery and a bunch of assaults.” 

 

“Where is she now?”  Buffy peers at the screen.  Looking for clues.

 

“Germany.”  Xander presses some buttons.  The screen changes to a satellite picture of the country.  The computer zooms in, and Buffy can see a birds-eye of the downtown business district of Frankfurt.  “So we send a retrieval team?”

 

Buffy shakes her head.

 

“No.  She’s too dangerous.  And she’s my problem.”  Buffy turns away from the computer display.  “I’ll go.”

 

“Buff…  She’s got a gang.  And guns.”  Xander looks at her with worry.  “Guns!  She’s not gonna…”

 

“I want to talk to her.”  Buffy looks determined.  “Maybe I can get her to stop.  Come back with me.”

 

“Right.  You’ll talk to the crazy, trigger-happy slayer…  And then she’ll shoot you dead.”  Xander tries to use logic.  “You need back-up.  Take Rona… or Satsu…”

 

“Satsu’s not…  I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  Buffy looks away.  Back to the screen.  The top of a pink mohawk-ed head, half covered by a dark hooded sweatshirt. 

 

“Look.  If I go after Simone’s gang with a gang of my own, it’s only gonna end up one way.  Big brawl.  Dead girls.”  Buffy looks back at Xander, half pleading and half commanding.  The commanding wins out.  “I’m going alone.”

 

“Not so much, actually.”  Xander smiles.  “Makes me feel better about the next piece of news.”  He takes a breath.  “We’re pretty sure that, um… Faith… is tracking Simone already.”

 

“And this is good news how?”  Buffy looks at him all squinty.

 

“She can watch your back, for starters.”

 

“Yeah, and for dessert she can stab my front.”  Buffy snorts.  “Remember the enthusiastic baptism she gave me at our last revival?”

 

“I know you two have your… lusty hatred thing going.  But Giles…”  Xander stops cold at Buffy’s look.

 

“We’re not going to talk about Giles.”  Buffy spits it out.  “Or Faith.”

 

“So you’re going to Germany with no back up.  Face down a gang of insane-o bank-robbing super-girls, and you’re gonna do it all while hiding from Faith?”

 

“Who said anything about hiding?”  Buffy turns to go.  “Get me a ticket for tomorrow morning.  I’ll find Simone and I’ll take care of it.”  She stops her exit.  Turns back.

 

“And if Faith wants to get in my way?  I’ll take care of her too.”  And Buffy stomps off.

 

Xander stares at her back, shaking his head. 

 

_When did it all go so wrong?_

 

*****

 

Buffy drags her suitcase past the frightening looking customs agents.  It never fails.  Even though she’s doing nothing wrong, she always feels guilty when she passes these guys.  It’s like driving with a cop behind you.  Creepy and bad. 

 

She feels grimy.  The quick bathroom check she’d done earlier confirmed the flat hair and the wrinkled clothes.  _Ah well.  Nobody to impress anyway._

 

She follows the herd of passengers out the automatic doors.  Slides her carry-on bag around to her back, trying to weave herself and her suitcase through the groups of people that inevitably stop right in her path.  People shouting out their hello’s as they recognize friends, family… lovers.

 

With a sigh, Buffy nears the end of the gauntlet.  Counts the tiles on the floor ahead.  Won’t see the happiness that surrounds her.

 

She gets a feeling…  It’s the middle of the day.  There can’t be vampi…

 

_She wouldn’t dare…_

 

Buffy looks up.  The first thing she sees is a hastily made sign.  A big red heart with a giant ‘B’ in black, dead centre.  And there’s an arrow through it?  Nope.  Not an arrow.

 

She looks past the sign.  And there she is.  Grinning in all her ‘I’m-so-hot-and-you-look-like-crap’ glory. 

 

“Hey lover!  I missed ya!”  Faith bounds over the barricade.  She drops the sign and grabs Buffy up in a too-tight hug.  She growls quietly into Buffy’s ear. “Play along, B.  We’re being watched.”

 

Buffy wraps her arms around Faith, squeezing with all her strength.  Flashes her teeth in a wide, vicious smile.  “Baby!”  She says it loud enough for people to turn and watch.  Pressing her mouth against Faith’s ear, she whispers.  “One reason.  Right now.  Why I shouldn’t keep squeezing ‘till you burst.”

 

“Top of my head?  How ‘bout… giant crowd of witnesses?”  Faith hisses back.  Buffy’s arms reluctantly loosen their hold.  Faith takes a quick breath, refilling her lungs.  For a moment she looks relieved.  Then the cocky grin returns to her face. 

 

“C’mon, girlfriend.”  She takes the handle of Buffy’s suitcase and starts moving. 

 

Buffy doesn’t follow.  She clears her throat in an audible “A-HEM?!”

 

Faith turns back, brows arched.

 

“Aw… I’m sorry, honey!”  Faith says this very loudly.  She drops the handle, and takes back the few steps she’s made. 

 

Before Buffy can reason.  Before she can react.  Faith presses one hand behind her back, the other at the base of her neck.  And plants her lips against Buffy’s in a deep, penetrating kiss. 

 

Buffy doesn’t hear the crowd clapping and whistling.  She doesn’t hear the low, offended tones of disgust.  She doesn’t see the children pointing or the leers from the teenaged boys. 

 

All she can see is red.  All she can hear is blood pumping in her ears.  She assumes it’s from rage.  She has to stop this.  Before she loses control and… beats Faith to death.

 

Buffy puts her hands on Faith’s shoulders.  Pulls her mouth away.  “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

“Making a scene.”  Faith leans in again.  “I’ll explain later.”

 

Buffy pushes her back, gently.  She can’t afford to give the game away.  Not until she knows the rules.

 

“Your tongue was in my mouth.  Please, explain that!”  She says it through her teeth. 

 

“You noticed that, huh?”  Faith looks a little sheepish.  It doesn’t last.

 

Playing to the crowd, Faith grabs Buffy’s hand.  Starts using her stage voice.  “Now, come on.  Let’s get you home.  So I can give you a real nice welcome.”  She scoops up Buffy’s luggage with her free hand.

 

This time Buffy does what she'd told. 

 

“So?  What the hell are you doing here?  What’s with the peepshow?”  Buffy says it low.  Smile fixed firmly on her face.  “How did you even know I was coming?”

 

“Two words, B.  Passenger manifest.”  Faith is smiling too, but her’s looks a little more genuine.  “G-Man saw your name and practically popped a blood vessel.”  She slows her pace, and then stops.  Turns to face Buffy.

 

“And to answer your first question...”  Faith bends towards her a little.  “I’m here to make sure you don’t get dead.”

 

“By who?”  Buffy rolls her eyes.  “That scary gang of bankers?  The little old lady and her three grandkids?  Cos really, I’m looking around and I’m only seeing one killer here.”  She looks pointedly at Faith.

 

“Then you’re not looking hard enough.”  Faith ignores it.  Doesn’t miss a beat.  “Dude upstairs in the sunglasses.  Guy at the shoeshine booth.  Chick drinking her latte at the pay phones.” 

 

“Oooh!  Is there a guy in a trench coat hiding behind a newspaper too?”  Buffy releases herself from Faith’s grip.  She steals her suitcase back and starts to walk away.  “You think that little stunt back there’s gonna…”

 

“Buffy, you’re a target!  I was making sure that everyone saw us.  Remembered us.”  Faith grabs her by the arm. 

 

“You honestly think I’m going to believe…”  Buffy doesn’t see Faith’s eyes widen.

 

“You don’t believe me?  Fine.  Believe them.”  She spins Buffy around. 

 

Three people are carefully closing in on them.  Sunglasses guy is moving toward the top of the escalators.  Shoeshine’s coming up straight ahead, and Latte is cutting off their exit through the parking lot.

 

“Oh.”  Buffy gets into a defensive position.

 

“What the hell are you doing?  We can’t fight!  We gotta lose ‘em!”  Faith grabs her and starts dragging her toward the only option left.  Food court.

 

Buffy catches the handle of her suitcase and tries to keep up.  Faith looks back at her with frustration. 

 

“Ditch the bag, Blondie!”  Faith tugs on her arm.

 

“But, my clothes!  My shoes!”  Buffy attempts to speed up, and the bag veers left and topples over.

 

“Drop the frickin’ suitcase, B.  I’m not risking my neck for your sweater sets!”  Faith inches away, looking over Buffy’s shoulder at the three figures closing in.

 

Buffy takes a long look.  Thinks wistfully of her Cavalli shoes and her pretty Galliano dress. 

 

“Buffy!”  Faith doesn’t let go of her hand.  “We gotta motor!”

 

Buffy looks up.  Flicks her eyes from the bag, to the bad guys, to Faith.  Makes her choice.

 

“Let’s go.” 

 

And the two girls hustle their way through the hungry crowd.

 


	2. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Complicated Grief

“I’m not going in there.”  Buffy crosses her arms.

 

“Suit yourself.”  Faith turns away and walks through the open doors.

 

“Faith!  I can’t go in there!”  Buffy points to the sign.  World of Sex.  In bright red glowing letters.  She whispers, like it’s a secret.  “It’s a sex shop!”

 

Faith turns back, exasperated.  “B!  There’s a bar upstairs.  I need a drink, and we need to lay low for a while.” 

 

 

“You’re doing this on purpose.”  Buffy leans against the mirrored wall.  Then thinks better of it, and pushes off again with an emphatic “Eww!”

 

Faith ignores her.

 

“Faith!”  Buffy stomps.  “You better start talking, or else…”

 

“Or else what?” Faith looks at her.  “You’re out of options.  It’s either hang with me… or you go downstairs, try to hide that pretty blonde hair in a gimp mask, and take your chances.”

 

The doors open, and Faith calmly strolls up to the bouncer at the door. 

 

“Hey Willie!”  Faith smacks down on Willie’s upturned hand. 

 

“Hey yourself, hot stuff!”  It sounds funny in Willie’s thick German accent. 

 

“Me and my girl need a private booth…”  She nods over at Buffy, brows worming up and down on her face. 

 

“Es ist no problem.”  He hands her a keychain, and looks Buffy over.  “Sie ist schön!”

 

Faith winks at Buffy.  Then turns back to Willie, and with all seriousness.  “Das schönste.” 

 

Willie waves them through, a big grin on his face.

 

“What were you saying?  Was it about me?”  Buffy follows closely beside Faith.  She doesn’t want to be alone in here.  “How come you speak German?”

 

“Here.”  Faith hands her the keychain, and points to a door.  “Go in there.  Lock the door.  Wait for me.  I’ll be back in a sec.”

 

“Where are you going?”  Buffy clutches the key, fear all over her face. 

 

“To the bar, Twinkie.”  Faith pushes her to the door.  “Go.  Lock the door.  I mean it.”

 

Buffy does what she’s told.  She unlocks the door, and walks into a tiny room.  Just a bed and a small table. An ashtray.  And lots and lots of mirrors. 

 

_Sure, it looks clean…_

 

She closes and locks the door behind her.  She won’t sit.  She taps her foot on the tile floor.  Crosses her arms.  Uncrosses them. 

 

_How long can it possibly take to get…_

 

“B!”  It’s barely a whisper.  “Lemme in!”

 

Buffy opens the door.  Faith’s standing there with a giant tray full of cocktails and shooters, plus a mammoth pitcher of beer. 

 

“I didn’t know what you wanted…”

 

Faith puts the heavy tray down on the table.  Checks the door.  Grabs a shot of something brownish-yellow and throws it back.  Flops her butt down on the bed.  Takes the pitcher and starts to pour it out into two enormous glass mugs.

 

“Relax, B.  We’re safe in here.”

 

“Not from chlamydia!”  Buffy looks around with disgust.  “Do you know what people DO in here?”

 

“In detail.  And here’s a tip.  If it grosses you out, you’re doin’ it wrong.”  Faith looks at her over the rim of her giant beer stein.  “The place is clean.  So sit.  Grab a drink.  And I’ll get you up to speed.”

 

Buffy sits gingerly on the bed.  Grabs the second mug and takes a hesitant sip.  “OK. I’m sitting, I’m drinking.  Your turn.”

 

Faith looks up at the mirrored ceiling.  Pulls a cigarette from her jacket pocket.

 

“Twilight.”  She lights it, ignoring Buffy’s look.

 

“What about them?”

 

“Simone’s in it with them.  Way over her stubbly head.  She’s takin’ the risks, and Twilight’s takin’ the cash.  I’m not sure what for.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“They’re doing big jobs.  Big safes full of money.  But then they still gotta jump people for their wallets?  Makes no sense.  Plus, the guys at the airport weren’t part of her crew.”

 

“So you don’t know anything for sure.”

 

“Know more than you!”  Faith grabs another shot and downs it.  This time it’s blue.  “I think they’re planning another job.  It’s gonna be big.”

 

“How big?”

 

“Like ‘Anarchy in the E.U.’ big.  But with Simone Vicious on lead and her Pistols backing her up.”

 

“You’ve been working on that one, haven’t you?”

 

“Kinda, yeah.”

 

“It’s good.  Paints a picture.”

 

“Glad you appreciate the effort.”  Faith reaches for two shots.  One green, one a vivid purple.  “Take your pick.”

 

Buffy takes the green.

 

*****

 

“Bleaagh!”  Buffy downs another shot.  Slams it back on the tray with a giggle.  “Faith?”  She flutters her lashes.

 

“Yeah, B?”  Faith’s voice is smoky.  Mostly from the smoking. 

 

“We’re out of pretty colours t’drink.”  Buffy points.  “We should get more.”

 

“Think you’ve had enough.” 

 

“Had th’same as you!”  Buffy pouts.

 

She waves her hand in the general direction of Faith.  “Hey!”

 

Faith waits.  An amused look on her face.

 

“You kissed me!”  Buffy tries to look menacing.  It doesn’t work out.

 

“Sure did.” 

 

“Did I hit you?”  Buffy can’t remember.

 

“Not even a little.”  Faith’s smile widens.  Just for a moment.

 

“Always figured I’d hit you…”  Buffy’s lost in thought.

 

“So you’ve thought about me kissing you?’  Faith’s eyebrows jump up. 

 

“NOOOO!  Not…  Well…”  Buffy face gets a drunken version of serious.  “Shut up!  You’re bad.  Bad Faith!”

 

“Actually, I’m feeling pretty good about now.”  Faith chuckles to herself.

 

“So, we can have more tasty colours?”  Buffy looks hopeful.

 

“Nah.  We should get moving.  Can’t stay here all night.”  Faith sits up slowly.  “They’d charge me for that.”

 

“I have a hotel room!”  Buffy to the rescue.  “They have tiny bottles in baby fridges. We can go there!”

 

“The one you reserved under your REAL name?”  Faith laughs.  “Don’t think so.” 

 

“So where we gonna go?”  Buffy starts to whine.

 

“It’s covered.  I got a place.  Should be safe-ish.”  Faith stands.  Blinks.  “C’mon.”

 

Buffy tries to stand.  “Can’t.”  Buffy’s voice loses its playful tone.  “Oh god.”  She sways.  Falls back on the bed.  Looking pale.  “I don’t feel so good.”

 

“I’ll get you some water.  And a bucket.”  Faith rushes out.  “Don’t move.” 

 

“No problem.”  Buffy tries not to let her airplane breakfast out with that sentence.

 

Buffy tries the trick that Riley taught her.  Breathe in deep and fast.  Push the air out through your mouth.  Dig your nails into your palm.  Concentrate on that.  Feel anything but the nausea.  Don’t think about the nausea. 

 

Don’t think about Riley…

 

Buffy waits for the wave to pass.  She sees her bag lying at the foot of the bed.  Cell phone peeking out at her.  Taunting her.  She grabs it.  Squints at the display.  Finds the number.  Presses the little green phone button.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey you.”  Buffy’s voice is sappy.

 

“Buffy?”

 

“Yup!  Was thinking ‘bout you.”  A little lie. 

 

“That’s really sweet, but…”

 

“Was thinkin’ ‘bout kissing.  You.  I like kissing you.  Issoft.  And your tongue tastes like cimmanon...  cimm… cin-na-mon.”  Buffy slurs.

 

“Are you drunk?” 

 

“Jus’ a li’l teeny bit.”  Buffy cringes when the sigh comes through the line.

 

“Buffy.  I have to go…” 

 

“Satsu?” 

 

Buffy looks at her phone.  Puts it back to her ear. 

 

“SATSU?”

 

She doesn’t hear Faith come in.  She’s too busy re-dialing. 

 

It rings.  And rings.  And switches over to voicemail.

 

“Satsu?  We got cut off…  I jus’ wanted to say hi.  So… Hi.  I guess…”  Buffy tries to think of why she called.  But Faith pulls the phone out of her hand and clicks it shut.

 

“You’re using your CELL PHONE?”  Faith chucks it into Buffy’s bag.  “Did you say anything?  Where you are?  Who you’re with?”

 

Buffy shakes her head.  It’s a bad idea.  Faith gives her the bucket just in time.

 

 

“Isss…”  Buffy tries to talk.  But the bucket beckons again.  Once it’s nothing but dry heaving, Faith hands her a big bottle of water.  She takes a big swallow, and rinses her mouth with it.  Spits it in the bucket.  “Issallyerfaultanyway…” 

 

“Sure.  Sure.  It’s all my fault.”  Faith pets her head as Buffy gulps down the bottle of water. 

 

“It is!  S’all your fault!”  Buffy’s looking better.  She tries to stand.  It’s wobbly, but she’s upright.

 

“Look, I gotta use the john.  I’ll take care of this and then we’ll go.”  Faith takes the bucket from Buffy’s hands.

 

“Me too!”  Buffy staggers to the door. 

 

“Fine.  Just don’t expect me to wipe your ass for you.”

 

“So gross, Faith.”

 

Faith helps Buffy to the door.  Her free hand holding the offending bucket away from them both.

 

Walking down the hall, Buffy turns to Faith.  “Hey!”  A solemn look in her eye.

 

“Whassa gimp mask?”

 

*****

 

Faith wakes up.  From a good dream for once.  She stretches her legs out over the arms of the couch.  Cracks her neck.  Couches are for chumps. 

 

She stands and shuffles her way to the dresser.  Pulls out a couple of clean tanks, a well-worn pair of black jeans, and a new-ish looking pair in dark blue.

 

“B?”  She yawns and peeks over to the bed.  It’s empty.  “Buffy?”  She sets one tank and the blue jeans down on the end.  Buffy can wear them and be grateful.

 

The bathroom door is closed.  Faith knocks.  “You alright in there?”

 

“Don’t come in!”  Buffy’s voice is pure panic.  “I’m just getting in the shower.” 

 

“Wasn’t gonna.”  Faith chuckles to herself.  “Last night’s bathroom fun was enough for me.  Left you some clothes.  Lemme know when you’re done.”

 

“Okay!”  It’s strangled, but calmer.

 

Faith lies down on the bed.  Crosses her legs, her head resting on her arms.  She can smell Buffy on the sheets.  On the pillow.  She breathes in deep.  Then, cursing herself, she gets up.

 

Her eyes narrow as they pass over the nightstand.

 

Buffy’s cell phone.

 

Faith flicks it open.  Checks it quick.  No calls out.  No texts out.  Good.

 

She hears a little metallic voice.

 

“Hello?”

 

Faith puts the phone to her ear.

 

“Yeah.  Uh, hi?”

 

“Buffy?”

 

“Who’s this?”  Faith can’t be too careful.

 

“I’m a friend of Buffy’s.  Is she around?” 

 

“Are you in Scotland?”  Faith wants to make sure.

 

“How do you know where I am?  Who is this?”

 

“Oh.  Right.  I’m Faith.”

 

“Faith!  THE Faith?  Jesus! Where the hell is Buffy?  What have you done to her?”  Faith grins.  She’s famous… or infamous, it would seem.

 

“She’s fine.  She’s in the shower.  Who’s this?” 

 

“Put her on the phone right now!” 

 

“Okay.  Whatever you say.”  Faith opens the bathroom door.  Holds the phone up to the curtain.  Which remains stubbornly opaque, no matter how much Faith tries to see through it.

 

“Buffy, you got a call!”

 

“Get out of here!”  Buffy screams.  Then she pokes her head out.  “Who is it?”

 

Faith shrugs.  “She wouldn’t tell me.  Seriously gotta work on her phone etiquette.”

 

Buffy grabs out for the phone, losing her grip on the curtain. 

 

A flash of wet skin and curves. 

 

Faith tilts her head a little.  Big eyes and big smile.  “I was wrong.  This beats last night hands down.” 

 

She ducks a bar of soap that comes flying at her head. 

 

She shuts the door behind her, but not before she hears Buffy’s quiet voice.

 

“Satsu?”

 

*****

 

“What did you say to her?”  Buffy comes storming out, wearing last night’s clothes.  A towel wrapped around her head.

 

“Say to who?”  Faith is sitting on the couch, watching German cartoons.

 

“My friend!  On MY phone!”  Buffy blocks her view, waving the slim pink device in Faith’s face.  “The phone you answered!”

 

“It was an accident.  I was checking to make sure you hadn’t used it again.”  Faith responds calmly.  Leaning over to catch the action on the screen.  “It musta picked up her call when I flipped it open.  And when did you get a puppy?”

 

“Huh?”  Buffy’s a little thrown.  She walks to the bed, taking the outfit Faith’s laid out for her.  Hides behind the partition, and changes her clothes. 

 

“You got a dog, right?  You said something about a Shih-Tzu.  Last night and this morning.  Just like you to get a little lap dog.”

 

  
  



 

“Man’s best!”  Faith is getting excited.  “But get a real dog.  One you can’t vacuum up by mistake.  Like a Pit Bull or a Rottie.  Not some tiny piece of barking lint!” 

 

“Pay attention.  I did not get a dog.  You were talking to Satsu.”  Buffy comes out in her new gear.  Holding her shoes and her bag in one hand.  “Sott-Soo!  Not Shit-Soo.  Satsu!  Who is a human-sized girl.  Not a pet.”  She pronounces each word with spite.  “Now, what did you say to her?”

 

“Nuthin’!”  Faith tears her eyes away from the TV.  Looks up at Buffy.  “I swear!”

 

“You must have said something.”  Buffy mumbles, caught on the edge between tears and anger. 

 

Faith watches the battle fight its way across her face.  It’s familiar.  She runs through her mental rolodex of Buffy expressions…

 

Pieces start falling into place.  And suddenly, she gets it.

 

Faith tries.  She deserves some credit for that.  She tries to hold it in.  But the first snort sets her off. 

 

And she’s laughing.  Laughing and she can’t stop. 

 

Buffy glares at her.

 

She howls louder, pointing at Buffy’s stern face.  Almost falling off the couch.

 

“WHAT!?”  Buffy screeches.  “What did you do?”

 

Faith trails off into a deep low cackle.  “N-nothing… Seriously!”

 

“Then what’s so funny?” 

 

“You… Mfffff…”  Faith sucks in the air.  Wipes her eye.  “You… and Satsu!  You… Phffft…  You DID get a new lap dog!”

 

Buffy’s look almost sends her off again.  Watching the rage turn into shock.  The shock turn into pure red-faced humiliation.  It’s a perfect moment.  Really.

 

“Shut up!”  Buffy walks up to the couch, threateningly.  “You don’t know anything about anything.”

 

“Oh really?”  Faith stands.  Still smiling.  But there’s no joy.  “I know you Buffy.  And I know that whoever this poor girl is?  She doesn’t stand a chance.”

 

“You just stay out of it!”  Buffy pokes her in the chest.  “You don’t get to…”

 

“Room Service!”  A pleasant voice behind the door.

 

“Just a sec!”  Buffy watches Faith grab her jacket, a dark look on her face.  “Where do you think…”

 

“B!  Are you retarded?”  Faith whispers, pulling Buffy into a low crouch.  She pushes her toward the window.  “This is a hostel.  They don’t have room service.”

 

Buffy’s lips form an “Oh.” 

 

They both duck out the window to the fire escape.  As Faith closes it behind her, she can hear something scraping inside the lock.

 


	3. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of Complicated Grief

“This is no fair!”  Buffy hops on one foot while attempting to put her other shoe on.  “Somehow by just knowing you I’ve lost my clothes, my shoes, my jacket…”

 

“Don’t forget your lunch!”  Faith doesn’t seem to care.  She leaps off the fire escape.

 

“And my dignity!”  Buffy jumps the last few feet.  Her heels make a clacking noise when she lands.  “Every time!  You manage to screw up my life…”

 

“At least you still got one!”  Faith turns to her.  “I lost stuff too, but you don’t see me cryin’ about it.”

 

They run out of the alley and down through the streets.  People watch them speed past.  Curious, but not concerned.

 

“God, B!  You need to check your priorities!”  Faith speeds up.  She knows where she’s going.  “You live to shop another day!”

 

“And shopping is definitely a priority.”  Buffy looks quickly down at her tank and jeans.  “Cos this?  Not my idea of fashion forward.”

 

Faith stops.  Turns to face Buffy.  Checks her out.  Gives a little shrug.  “You join the team; you get to wear the uniform.  Gotta do something about the shoes, though.  Combat boots, or maybe Birkenstocks if you want the hippie vibe.”  She nods to her left.  “We’re here.”

 

“And where’s here?  Exactly?”  Buffy ignores that whole first thing.  She doesn’t understand it anyway. 

 

She looks around.  The narrow streets have given way to a warehouse district along the edge of a wide river. 

 

“Simone’s hideout.”  Faith shrugs.  “Figured we might as well do a little recon.”  She looks around.  Nothing going on outside.

 

“You knew where she was this whole time?”  Buffy crosses her arms.  “God, Faith!  You’re talking to me about priorities?”  She watches Faith peek into a dirty window.

 

“She’s not here now.  This is where they crash, at night.”  Faith points to the blue sky.  “You wanna go face-to-face with her?  Fine.  But me?  I plan on seein’ tomorrow.”

 

“You’re scared of her?”  Buffy almost laughs.  _Faith’s not scared of anything._  _Except maybe me._

 

“Not her.  But her guns?”  Faith is honest.  “I can’t beat a bullet.  Neither can you.”

 

Faith jumps up onto a garbage bin.  Balancing on the edge.  Catches her fingers on the thin edge of the window sill above.  Fumbles a moment.  With a creak, the window opens.  She pulls herself up with a grunt.  Goes in headfirst.

 

“Faith!”  Buffy whispers.  Watching Faith’s legs slide through the opening.  She hears a muttered curse.  Some shuffling.

 

“Faith!”  A little louder. 

 

A head pops up.

 

“Comin’, B?” 

 

*****

 

They creep through the dark and musty warehouse.  Any light that tries to break through the grime on the windows is quickly killed by the dust hanging in the air. 

 

“We’re clear.”  Faith whispers.  “Look for anything that seems… wrong.”

 

Faith points out a pile of blankets and sleeping bags in one corner.  Buffy nods, and points to another corner.  A much more disgusting corner, filled with dirty plates, used pots and pans, liquor bottles.  And piles of take out boxes.  She wrinkles her nose. 

 

“I think something on that plate just looked at me.  Is that wrong enough?”  A rat scurries away into the dark.  Buffy gags.  “You take me to the nicest places.” 

 

“Nothing’s too good for my girl.”  Faith says it cheerfully.  “So, you think it’s something in the water?”

 

“They’re gonna do something to the water?”  Buffy looks horrified.  “Like the Russians?”

 

Faith shakes her head.  “Err… No.  I was just thinkin’.  Sunnydale.  Hellmouth.  Gotta affect everything around it, right?”

 

“I’m really not following.”

 

“Just seems a bit weird how everyone who stepped foot in that town winds up gay.”

 

“I’m not…  There’s no gay!”  Buffy clarifies, sort of.  “And there’s no everyone.  There’s only Willow!  She’s the… gay.”

 

“Coulda fooled me.”  Faith keeps looking around.  “Or maybe you’re just foolin’ what’s-her-name…  Soft Chew?”

 

“Mature.”  Buffy makes a face.  “And I’m not fooling anyone.”

 

“Got that right.”  Faith’s low snicker.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Nothin’.”  Faith backs off.  “Find anything?”

 

“Not so much for thwarting evil schemes.  Lots for thwarting my ability to keep anything down.”  Buffy pokes around in an empty closet.

 

“Well, that’s my plan shot to shi-…”

 

“Um.  Faith?”  Buffy’s quiet.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Does this seem wrong to you?” 

 

Faith turns.  Her eyes get big.

 

“About sums it up, yeah.”

 

Buffy takes a step back.  Letting Faith see.

 

The back wall of the closet has disappeared.  Instead, there’s a room.  A room filled with computer monitors, a giant table strewn with rolled up papers. On shelves, in stacks taking up every inch, every space.




 

Millions.

 

*****

 

Buffy walks along the shelves.  Her fingers trailing along the edges of the money. 

 

“There’s so much!”  Buffy’s in awe.  “How can there be so much?”

 

“Simone’s been busy.”  Faith watches Buffy warily.  “You know it’s all traceable.  We can’t take any.”

 

“I wasn’t…”  Buffy sighs.  “How did you find out about that?”

 

“Grapevine’s not that long.  You figure it out.”  Faith goes to inspect the papers. 

 

“Giles?  He told you?”  Buffy can’t tear her eyes away.  She’s stopped seeing the currency.  She’s seeing a big shiny weapon against evil.  And she wants it.

 

“Yeah.  Did that little clucking thing with his throat.”  Faith tries to decipher what she sees.  “B, whaddya make of this stuff?”

 

A beat.

 

“Buffy!”

 

With a deeper sigh, Buffy turns away from temptation.  Walks over and spreads out the sheets on the desk.

 

“These are blueprints.” 

 

“I got that far myself.”

 

Buffy peels them back one by one.  Studying them intently.  Trying to memorize the details.  Are they all here?  In Frankfurt, I mean?”




 

“I think so.”  Faith looks at the names carefully.  “A lot of ‘em have their headquarters here.”

 

“So we just need to figure out which one they’re going for…”

 

Faith walks to the computer.  Taps the keyboard.  The screens flash with colour.

 

“No we don’t.”  Faith motions for Buffy to look.  She does.

 

“Oh my god.”  Buffy turns to Faith. 

 

“They’re gonna rob them all!”

 

*****

 

Buffy grabs her cell from her bag and flips it open.

 

“Buffy, you can’t...”  Faith grabs for it.

 

“It’s got a camera.”  Buffy takes pictures of the room.  “Quality is not so much, but it’s what we’ve got.”

 

“Good thinkin’.”  Faith watches her. 

 

“It’s a thing I do on occasion.”  Buffy takes some quick close ups of the blueprints.  “You should try it sometime.”

 

“Like now maybe?”  Faith grins, and pulls a flash drive from her breast pocket.  She walks to the computer, and starts downloading files.

 

“Won’t they know you did that?”  Buffy walks over.  “Can’t they tell?”

 

“Only if they’re looking for it.”  Faith leans a bit, letting Buffy look over her shoulder.

 

“You’re really into this spy stuff, huh?”  Buffy’s eyes follow the little animated folders as they fly across the screen.  “With the… gadgets.”

 

“Yeah.  Figure being stealthy is better than being stabby.  Y’know, for the sanity.”  Faith steps away.  Buffy’s too close.  “And this thing?  Not really spy stuff when you can buy it almost anywhere.”

 

The files finish copying.  Faith pulls the drive out and stuffs it back into her pocket.

 

“Let’s motor.  We’ve got everything.”  Faith starts walking toward the closet.

 

“Not everything…”  Buffy’s gaze rests along the walls.  “We could…” 

 

“Buffy!”  Faith warns.

 

“Fine.  We’ll just leave all the money.  Sitting here doing nothing for anyone.  Lazy, lazy money.”  Buffy shakes her finger at it.

 

“Yes we will.”  Faith reaches out her hand.  Waves her out.  “C’mon.  I’m starved.”

 

Buffy turns and follows Faith, muttering to herself.

 

“God, I’ve turned into Anya.”

 

*****

 

“I can’t believe you eat veal.”  Buffy crinkles her nose.  “Poor little baby cows.”

 

“Yeah.  I feel just sick about it.”  Faith laughs.  Pats her stomach, now filled with tasty Wiener schnitzel.

 

“You have no heart.”  Buffy pokes her in the shoulder.  “You shouldn’t eat cute things.”

 

“Guess you’re off the menu then.”  Faith walks ahead of her.  Down the streets lined with patios for the multitude of bars and cafes.

 

“That’s not what I meant.”  Buffy rolls her eyes.  Catches up.

 

“Good.  Haven’t had dessert yet.”  Faith spots something yummy.

 

“Also not what I meant.”  Buffy ignores the gazillionth eyebrow wiggle of the day.

 

“So I’m stuck with ice cream.”  Faith walks up to the little storefront counter.  “You want?”

 

“Er…  Yeah.  Small vanilla.”  Buffy can’t keep up with the conversation.

 

Faith stifles a snort.  She orders in flawed German.  She pays and moves to a small table on the sidewalk.

 

“So what’s the plan?”  Buffy sits.

 

“After the sugar rush?  Internet café.”  Faith watches the waitress bring over Buffy’s small cup of vanilla, and Faith’s enormous five scoop sundae thing.

 

“Why?  You wanna check your MySpace?”  Buffy wants to sound scathing, but she’s kinda obsessing over the gooey mess that Faith’s shoveling into her mouth.

 

“Nah.  Gonna send the stuff we got over to Giles.”  Faith laughs, and a tiny trickle of strawberry syrup rolls down her chin.  “’Sides, it’s all about Facebook now.”

 

Buffy swallows a modest spoonful of her vanilla.  Wishing now that she’d taken the time to look over her options.

 

“You want?”  Faith repeats herself.  She offers up a loaded spoon.

 

Buffy nods.  She reaches out for the spoon, but Faith shakes her head.  Sighing, she opens her mouth, and leans in to take what Faith’s offering.

 

“God, that’s good.”  Buffy groans.  She looks down at the vanilla.  Looks back at Faith.  Widens her eyes.  Lets her hair fall over her face a little.  Does the thing with her mouth that boys like.

 

“Hey!  You got yours and I got mine!”  Faith tries to refuse.

 

“But Faith!”  Buffy starts a little whine.  And a little pout.  It’s deadly.

 

“Ergh!”  Faith growls at her defeat.  “Here you go…”  She offers up another spoonful. 

 

Buffy leans in again.  Closes her eyes.  Opens her mouth, waiting to be fed.  And waits.  She opens her eyes again.  Faith looks dazed.  Or confused.  Or stoned.  And the ice cream’s dripping all over the place.

 

“Faith?”  Buffy’s voice snaps Faith out of whatever it is.

 

“Right…  Sorry.”  Faith pushes the spoon into Buffy’s mouth.  Shakes her head.  “No more feeding for you.”  She puts her bowl in the middle of the table.  Picks up Buffy’s spoon and hands it to her. 

 

Buffy pushes her little treat aside.

 

“Don’t you want yours anymore?”  Faith eyes it.

 

Buffy looks at the tiny paper cup.  The single scoop melting into a little puddle of beige.  She looks back at Faith with a shrug.

 

“It’s not enough.”     

 


	4. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part four of Complicated Grief

Faith’s walking ahead of her again.  The whole time she’s been here, it’s like she’s always trying to catch up.  And not just with the walking.

 

“Wait up!”

 

“You didn’t just say that.”  Faith turns and slows her pace.  Walking backwards.  “What’re you, five?”

 

“Nope.  I’m five by five.”  Buffy sticks out her tongue.

 

“Don’t loot my lines, Blondie.”  Faith smiles.

 

Night’s fallen, and the lights make the Main River look pretty and clean.     

 

“It’s nice.  This is nice.”  Buffy tries to say what she means. 

 

Faith grunts her agreement.  They walk side by side for a bit. 

 

“Why…”  Buffy tries again.  “Why’d you try to kill me again?”

 

“You can’t just leave things at ‘nice’, can you?”  Faith steps away. 

 

“I want to know!”  Buffy steps in.  “How can I believe you…”

 

“You won’t believe me anyway!”  Faith shouts to the skyline. 

 

“Faith.  I’m not trying to start something.  Really.”  Buffy tries to put a hand on her arm.  Faith pulls it away.  “I just don’t understand.”

 

“Can we not do this right now?”  Faith looks out at the water.

 

“Are we gonna do it later, then?”  Buffy pushes.

 

“What would Sad Screw have to say about that?”  Faith smirks a bit. 

 

“Oh for Pete’s sake!”  Buffy walks within punching distance of Faith.  “Her name is SATSU!”

 

“And she’s your girlfriend.”  It’s not a question.

 

“YES!”  Buffy yells.  Then she stops.  “No...  It’s complicated.”

 

“There’s a shock.”

 

“I’m not talking about this with you.”  Buffy turns and walks away.

 

“Sharing goes both ways, B!”  Faith calls after her. 

 

Buffy pivots on her heel.  But she stays where she is. 

 

“You’re turning this into an ‘I show you mine, you show me yours’ thing?”  Buffy raises a brow.

 

“Fair’s fair.”  Faith sweeps her hair back behind her shoulders.

 

Buffy stomps back. 

 

“Fine.”  She lets out a short breath.  “She dumped me.  I’m trying to get her back.”

 

“She dumped you?” Faith looks mystified.  “I like this girl!”

 

“For future reference?  Not a friend thing to say in this situation.”  Buffy scowls.

 

“We’re not friends.  We’ll never be friends.”  Faith says it casually.  Like truth.

 

Buffy thinks she’s heard something like this before.  Somewhere. 

 

“So, why’d she dump you?”  Faith gestures for them to keep walking.

 

“She thinks I’m not really into it.  Or into her.”

 

“And are you?”

 

“I-I…”  Buffy slips her hands into her pockets.  “I don’t know.”

 

“Then you’re not.”  Faith shrugs.

 

“How would you know?  You’re into anything with a pulse!”

 

“Then I’m one up on you!”  Faith’s getting pissed.

 

“You’re probably a hundred up on me.”

 

“I’ve had enough of this crap.”  Faith picks up her pace.

 

“What?”

 

“I know what you think of me.  Nothin’s gonna change that.  But do you have to be such a damned bitch all the time?”

 

“I’m not…  I don’t…”

 

“Sweet talker.”  Faith snarls.  “No wonder your little geisha left you.  You treat her like dirt too?”

 

Buffy’s mouth opens.  Working out some kind of protest.  She doesn’t even get to start.

 

“Figures.”  Faith winds up for the swing.  “Everybody loves you.  Wants to stand in your glow.  Talk about moths to a flame!”  And she aims for the bleachers.  “But with you?  Everybody burns.” 

 

She waits for the next insult.  But there isn’t one.  She turns. 

 

Buffy’s not with her.  She’s stopped a few feet back.  Her head is down, body bent over.  Her shoulders are shaking.  Her arms are crossed, but not in the usual defiant way.  A little sniff explains it to Faith.

 

Buffy’s crying.  And crying hard.

 

Home run.

 

“Hey…”  Faith walks back to her.  Not sure what to do.  “I didn’t mean…”

 

“Yes you did.”  Buffy won’t look up. 

 

“C’mon.  Whaddya care what I think?”  Faith can’t touch Buffy.  She doesn’t want to get punched.  She keeps reminding herself of that as she watches the tears fall.

 

“It’s not just you.”  Buffy pulls in a deep breath.  She thinks about the words.  “Everybody burns.  It’s true.”  Fresh tears spill out. 

 

“Yeah.”  Faith can’t lie.  Not to her.  “But it’s not your fault.”

 

Buffy leans against the railing, her back to the water.  She thinks about them.  Satsu, Spike, Riley. 

 

“I could never love them.  I tried.  I-I wanted to.”  Buffy’s not really talking to Faith anymore. 

 

“You loved Angel.  I know you did.”  Faith keeps the edge from her voice.

 

“You don’t…”

 

“I was there.  Maybe not for the whole romantic tragedy.  But I was definitely there for the sequel.”

 

Buffy suddenly remembers.  Who she’s talking to.  Who she’s crying in front of.  And she’s angry.  Angry and sad and breaking to pieces in front of HER.

 

“It’s YOU!”

 

“Me what?”

 

“I thought I was cursed!  That there’s something wrong with me.  But it’s you!  You’re always there.  Wrecking everything!”

 

Faith steps back.  Hands up. 

 

“You… You ruined everything with Angel, with Riley.  You want to ruin things with Satsu.”  She remembers more, and she points an accusing finger.  “You even tried to steal Scott!”

 

“Who the hell’s Scott?”




 

“I’ll take some of that.  I put a glitch in your game, sure.”  Faith understates it.  She knows that.  “But I’ve been absent, B.  As in, not around to cause trouble for you and yours.”

 

“But you’re not gone!  You’re never gone.  You betrayed me.  I let you in and you betrayed me!  Just like him!”  Buffy’s over the edge.  Throwing the shards of herself at Faith.  Hoping they sting.

 

“You can’t get over it?  You can’t just let it go?”

 

“Do I look over it?”  Buffy waves her hands in the air.  “I loved him.  I loved him and he… changed.  And then you…  And now, nobody can...  I can never…  Since I met you…”

 

Buffy’s mouth stops moving.  Frozen in a perfect ‘O’.  She lifts her shaking hands to cover it.  Her eyes are wide, locked into Faith’s.

 

The words had come out before she’d been able to stop them.  Buffy had heard them.  Understood them individually.  But what they meant…  What she’d meant…  She’d never let herself know.

 

Faith doesn’t speak.  Doesn’t move.  She just keeps staring at Buffy.  Watching her crack and split and crumble. 

 

Buffy closes her eyes.  Holds her breath.  Needing Faith to say something.  Anything to break the moment.  Let her hide again.

 

“Buffy?”  She can feel Faith moving closer. 

 

“Hey, B?”  She hears the crack in Faith’s voice. 

 

It’s when she feels a hand on her face.  When she knows that Faith’s not going to let her breathe again.  Not going to crack a joke, or make a snarky comment. 

 

She knocks the hand away.  Opens her eyes.  And makes her choice.  She runs.

 

Faith scrambles after her.  But Buffy’s working on raw fear.  And she’s always been a little faster.  The distance between them grows.  She loses sight of her.  Blonde hair disappearing in the darkness.

 

A flash of white ahead.  A crack like thunder. 

 

Faith knows that sound.  It was her lullaby as a child, and the soundtrack of her youth. 

 

Gunfire.

 

*****

 

Faith pushes harder.  Makes her legs move faster.  Makes her lungs hold more air. 

 

_It’s all my fault!  It’s all my fault!_

 

She’s close enough to see something on the ground.

 

“Buffy!”

 

“Hold it right there, Precious!”

 

Faith stops cold.  “Simone.”

 

“Got it in one!”  Simone steps out of the shadows.  Holding a big silvery handgun.  “And they say you’re the dumb one.”

 

Faith looks past Simone, looking for signs of movement on the ground.  “Watch where you’re pointing that thing.  Someone could lose an eye.”

 

“Maybe you are the dumb one.  I got the gun, so I got the power.  Which means you shut it.”  Simone steps into Faith’s eye-line.  “And stop trying to check on her.  Miss True Confessions isn’t dead yet, so be polite and say thank-you.”

 

“Not my style.”  Faith watches Simone out of the corner of her eye.  Tries to edge closer to Buffy.  “You know, I’ve done the evil thing…”

 

Simone laughs.  “Am I getting the patented ‘dark-side’ speech from you?  We can help you?  It’s not too late?”

 

"Nah. I was just gonna say that I got a sweet pad and lotsa toys when I did it. I saw where you're crashin'. And I'm thinking you got screwed." Faith gives Simone a bright grin. "So, maybe you're the dumb one?"

 

“You don’t want to piss me off.”  Simone aims the gun at Faith’s skull.  “I’m the head girl here!  And when it’s over, I’m gonna be the only girl here!”

 

“Heard that before.”  Faith takes a step closer.  “They fed that line to some other sucker.  Although, way I remember it…  They didn’t seem too broken up about it when I killed her.”

 

“What’re you talking about?  They came to me.  Said I was different.  The only one strong enough.”  Simone has her finger on the trigger.

 

“Feels good, right?”  Faith has to be careful.  “People tellin’ you you’re special.  That they care?  And all that power just itchin’ under your skin?”  She claims another inch forward.

 

Simone doesn’t do anything.  Faith hopes she’s listening.

 

“Knowing you can take anyone, any place, any time?”  Faith takes another inch.  She’s close enough.

 

“Damn right.”  Simone nods.  “Haven’t met anything yet I can’t kill.” 

 

“Have now.”  Faith swings out lightning fast with her right leg.  Catches the gun and it goes flying out into the river.  “My names Faith…”  She swings around and burns her knuckles into Simone’s jaw.  “And I’m gonna show you what a slayer really is.”

 

She blocks Simone’s uppercut with her forearm.  Keeps moving and plants her elbow into the bruise she’s already made.  “But let’s make it quick.  Got places to be.”

 

“I’m gonna KILL YOU!”  Simone roars out her anger. 

 

 

“You can’t touch me.”  Faith sidesteps a roundkick.  She fakes a left jab, and slams her right fist into Simone’s side.  She hears something snap.  Nice.

 

Simone blocks the next three fists.  But the fourth sends her reeling back when it connects with her eye socket. 

 

“This is why we don’t use guns.”  Faith head butts her.  “Makes you slow.  Out of shape.”  She wraps her hands around Simone’s neck.  “Weak.” 

 

Simone gurgles out her dissent. 

 

“Here’s what’s gonna happen.”  Faith holds her with one squeezing hand.  Punches her face with the other. 

 

“I’m gonna make you a walking bruise.  Then you’re gonna run away like the coward you are.”  She brings her knee up, into Simone’s stomach. 

 

“I’m gonna check on B.  She’s okay, you’re okay.  For now anyway.”  She drums heavy on Simone’s ribs with her fist. 

 

“She’s not?  Well…  You don’t make it out of this park alive.”  Right on the edge of snapping it, she breaks her hold on Simone’s neck.

 

The girl falls to her knees.  Grunting and gasping for air.  Faith watches that for a few seconds.  Then she turns her back.

 

 

“Wh…  She…”  It’s barely a whisper. 

 

“I know.”  Faith isn’t sure she should move her.  There’s blood.  On her shirt, on the ground, pooling out from under her. 

 

Simone stands, staring at the two women on the ground.  Her new enemies.  “This isn’t…”

 

“Over?”  Faith gives Simone her best, most frightening sneer.  “You’re damned right it isn’t.”  She lifts her clenched fist, already whitening at the knuckles.  “But if you’re not gone in three?  It’ll be over in four.” 

 

A look of pure fear passes over Simone’s face.

 

“One.”  Faith raises a finger.  Of course it’s the middle one.

 

She watches Simone scurry away.  Turns her eyes back to Buffy.

 

Faith knows what to do.  She needs to find the entry point.  Needs to fix this.  Fix her.

 

She takes off her jacket, dropping the contents of the pockets to the ground.  Rips the heavy denim like it’s tissue paper.  Uses a piece to wipe off some of the blood. 

 

“It’s your shoulder.”  Faith can see the hole, gurgling out red.  “Nothing vital.”  She presses a folded denim strip over it.

 

“Feels vital.”  The whisper has a wince in it now. 

 

 

 

Faith lifts Buffy’s shoulder, to tie the strips into a makeshift bandage.  And a wave of blood pours out from under. 

 

Faith tries to catch it with her hand.  It slips between her fingers.  Makes tapping sounds as it swells the pool, merging with the old blood.

 

Faith doesn’t gasp.  She holds her face still.  Can’t let Buffy know. 

 

She grabs for the pile of fabric.  She’s got to pack it tight.  Tie it up so it won’t fall out.  Which means she’s got to move her.

 

“B?”  She waits for the small nod.  “Brace yourself.”

 

She can feel Buffy clench all her muscles.

 

“This is gonna hurt like a motherfu-”

 

Buffy’s scream drowns her out.

 

*****

 

Buffy looks around the Bronze.  It’s so busy tonight.  And filled with actual people.  No demons, no zombies.  No weird giant trolls or robot girls. 

 

“Buffy!  There you are!”  Willow grabs her arm.  “We’ve been waiting for you.”

 

“Who’s we?”  Buffy cranes to see who showed.

 

“Oh, everyone’s here tonight!”  Willow smiles.  “Which is great, cos Oz really wants a big crowd for the show!”

 

“Oz?”  Buffy’s about to elaborate.

 

“Hey, Buffster!  Glad you could make it!”  Xander emerges from the dance floor, Cordelia in tow.  She stands back, looking less than impressed as he gives Buffy a big hug.

 

“Hey!  You’ve got both eyes!  And Cordy!”  Buffy points it out to him. 

 

“What about me?”  Cordy crosses her arms. 

 

“I meant…”  Buffy realizes.  “Ohhhh.” 

 

“Buffy!”  It’s in stereo.

 

Buffy turns, and sees Spike and Angel.  They’re walking toward her.  They keep glancing at each other.  Speeding up.  Trying to beat each other to the prize. 

 

“This is getting spooky.”  Buffy hates dreaming.

 

“Slayer!  Tell this poncy git to bugger off!”  Spike elbows Angel.

 

“Buffy!  Is he bothering you?”  Angel puts Spike in a headlock.  Gives him a noogie.  “Cos honestly.  Any excuse to toss him out into the sun…”

 

“Hey!  Watch the hair, you great poof!”  Spike pulls out of the headlock and shoves Angel’s face into a metal post.

 

Buffy raises her hand and turns away.  She almost walks into…

 

“Riley!”  She’s startled.  “When did you get back?  And where’s…”

 

“Oh, hey Buffy!”  Riley sports a big manly grin.  “This is cool, huh?  I’m just happy I was invited!”

 

Buffy’s starting to think this might be a nightmare.  She looks back at Spike and Angel, who are now wrestling on the ground.

 

“She likes my soul better than yours!”  Angel pulls Spike’s shirt over his head.

 

“Yeah, well!  She likes my body better than yours!”  Spike pulls his shirt back to where it belongs.  Shoves Angel backward.  “She bloody well used it more often!”

 

“What about me?”  Riley wants to be included.  “She used me too!”

 

“Me too.”  Satsu walks slowly down the stairs.

 

“Not me.  I used her!”  Parker raises his hand, piping in from his spot on the couch.

 

 “Really?  How does that work?”  Spike is curious.  Parker whispers secrets into Spike’s ear.

 

“Hey!  Standing right here!”  Buffy waves her arms around at all of them.

 

“Mom says you have to be home by midnight, or she’ll ground you.”  Dawn pokes Buffy on the shoulder.  Then points down to the floor.  “It wants you back, you know.”

 

“Mom’s here?”  Buffy searches frantically.  So many faces.  Familiar.  All the people… 

 

“Yeah, over with Giles and Miss Calendar.”  Dawn leans in to whisper.  “They’re talking about you.”

 

“Miss...”  Buffy’s mouth makes a sad smile.  “I should go say hello.  Where...”

 

“Anya and Tara are waiting for me in the washroom.  We’re gonna do makeovers!” Dawn sticks her tongue out, and walks off. 

 

“I swear…”  Buffy turns away.  Walks toward the table Willow’s got saved.  “If I see anyone with cheese I’m gonna…” 

 

“Hey, Lover.”  Faith’s arm slinks around her neck.  “I missed ya.  Enjoying the show?”

 

“I can’t see.”  Buffy tries to look past the crowd to the stage.  “Did I miss it?”

 

“Nah, Girlfriend!”  Faith pulls her on to the dance floor.  “You ARE it!”

 

A bright light hits Buffy’s eyes, blinding her for a moment.  She squints.  Blinks.  When she opens them again, she realizes she’s standing in the centre of an intense spotlight.  With Faith.  She looks around.  Everyone’s stopped.  They’re watching.  She can’t make out the faces. 

 

Faith takes her hand.  Slides it up her arm and around to her back.  Pulls her in by her neck with the other.  She leans in, and presses her lips against Buffy’s.

 

Without thinking, Buffy lifts her hands to play in Faith’s hair.  Opens her mouth and feels Faith’s tongue push through.  Feels her tongue escape to explore the new world between Faith’s lips. 

 

Her hands are running up and down Faith’s back.  She’s breathing heavy.  They keep pulling away to look at each other, and then locking their jaws together again.  Like magnets. 

 

Buffy takes another breather.  “What are you doing?”

 

Faith looks at her, smiling.  Cups Buffy’s cheek. 

 

“Making a scene.”

 

“Buffy?”  Angel.

 

Buffy turns away from cherry red lips.  Angel looks pained.  He holds up his hands.  They’re burning.

 

They’re all burning.

 

“No!”  Buffy screams.  Watching with horror as Willow and Spike start sizzling.  Then Xander and Riley.  And Satsu and Parker and Cordelia. 

 

More faces.  Twisted in pain.  Dawn and Anya.  Tara.  Giles.  _MOM!_

 

Everyone.

 

She turns back to Faith, tugging. 

 

“Let me go!”  Buffy wrenches herself away.  “It’s my fault!  I have to save them!”

 

“No, you don’t.”  Faith shrugs, holding up her hands.  They’re blistering. 

 

Buffy runs out of the light.  But she can’t get to them.  They turn to ashes before she can reach them.

 

“You can’t fight this!”  Faith calls out to her.  “It’s the only way!” 

 

Buffy still tries.  It’s what she does.

 

“Sometimes, B?”  Buffy turns to Faith.  Blazing brighter than the light.  “Just gotta let yourself burn.” 

 

It’s the last thing she says.  Her sizzling grin is the last thing to go.  Buffy watches her disintegrate. 

 

“FAITH!”  Buffy screams, lunging for her. 

 

 


	5. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part five of Complicated Grief

“FAITH!”

 

Buffy opens her eyes.

 

She can’t sit up.  She can’t…

 

“Buffy?”  It’s not Faith’s voice.  Too British. 

 

“Giles?”  Buffy looks for him in the room.

 

“It’s me.  I’m here.”  Giles steps out of the dark.  A weak smile.  Tentative.  “I came as soon as Faith called.”

 

“I-I…”  Buffy beams up at him, reaching out for him.  “Thank you.”

 

“Ahh.  Well.”  Giles looks away briefly.  He lets her take his hand.  “It’s been… erm… difficult…” 

 

Buffy can feel herself welling.  The thickness at her throat and the tightness in her stomach make it hard to talk. 

 

“For me too.”

 

“How are you feeling?”  Giles still can’t bear to see tears in his slayer’s eyes.  “Faith said you were badly wounded.”

 

“I got shot.”  Buffy recalls it.  The light.  The sound. The pain.  It makes her shiver in her hospital gown.

 

“I know.”  Giles pats her hand. 

 

“Giles?”  Buffy starts, but her lip starts trembling and the tears spill out. 

 

“It’s alright.”  Giles sits on the edge of the bed.  Wishing he could hold her.  Instead he uses his free hand to smooth some errant hairs away from Buffy’s face.  “Everything will be alright.”

 

It makes Buffy cry harder.  Because it’s all she wants to hear.

 

Giles sits by her.  Watches over her.  Wondering what it is about him that lets her be fragile.

 

“Where’s Faith?”  Buffy’s voice crackles though his thoughts.

 

“She’ll be back.”  Giles’ voice is comforting.  “I needed her to take care of a few things.”

 

“You didn’t send her after Simone?”  Buffy’s voice is not comforted.  “Not by herself?  Giles, she…”

 

“We got trouble, G.”  Faith comes barreling through the door, holding a small plastic bag.

 

“I thought we might.”  Giles stands, giving his slayer a knowing look.  Buffy sees it.  Remembers when those went to her.

 

“Get dressed.”  Faith tosses the bag on Buffy’s lap.  “You got like, two minutes.”  She turns her head, looking out the window at blackness.

 

“I’ll keep an eye.”  Giles quickly goes to stand watch outside. 

 

Buffy pulls a pair of faded jeans out of the bag.  They might have once been black, but now they’re a soft gray.  A tee-shirt comes tumbling out with it.  It has a little rainbow on it.  _Har-dee-har-har.  _She digs in further.  Socks.  Bra.  And underwear, thank god.  She’ll start there.

 

“OW!”  Buffy yelps.  She tries again, with one arm. 

 

“Y’allright, B?”  Buffy can hear the smirk in Faith’s voice.

 

“Don’t sound fine.”  Faith’s voice sounds a little bit concerned.  “We don’t really have time for this…”

 

“I can do it.”  Buffy reaches for the jeans, sliding her legs over the edge of the bed.  “I dress myself every day.  I’m sure I can… OW!”

 

Faith turns and walks to the edge of the bed.  She crouches down, her face at eye level with Buffy’s.  Slowly, she takes the clothing out of Buffy’s clutching hand.  “S’okay.”  She puts a hand on Buffy’s bare knee.  “I got this.”

 

Buffy looks away with a sigh.  And once again puts herself in Faith’s hands. 

 

*****

 

“Which way?”  Buffy whispers to Giles.

 

“Left, to the stairs.”  It’s Faith that answers.  “Then down and through the underground parking.”

 

Giles motions for the girls to stay back.  He peers around the corner.  “All clear.”

 

“This isn’t running.”  Giles corrects her.  “This is avoiding.”

 

They turn the corner together, walking rapidly through the corridor.  They reach the stairs, and quietly file through the door.

 

“Buffy the Evil Avoider…  It has a ring.”  Buffy struggles down the steps.  Faith grabs her arm and takes some of the weight.  “And what evil type thing are we speed-walking away from, anyway?”

 

“Human.”  Faith glances behind her.  “Twilight’s version anyway.”

 

“The same creeps from the airport?”  Buffy looks too.  Nothing there. 

 

“Yeah.”  Faith urges Buffy forward.  “So we can’t kill them.”

 

“We could just hurt them a little…”  Buffy pouts.  Then winces when her elbow smacks into the banister.

 

“B, you couldn’t hurt their feelings right now.”  Faith takes Buffy’s arm and rubs it a little, soothing the sting. 

 

“Could too!  I have lots of handy quips and taunts.  I could be Buffy the Evil Taunter!”  Buffy’s not sure what she’s arguing about.

 

“You kinda already…” Faith gets cut off.

 

“We’re safe thus far.”  Giles stops on the landing.  He opens the door a crack and looks through. 

 

“Please say there’s a car…  Please say there’s a car…”  Buffy repeats it to herself as she makes it down the last few steps.  She looks a little tired.

 

They walk through the door.  Faith releases Buffy to Giles with an apologetic look. 

 

“Stay here.  I’ll be right back.”  And she speeds away into the lot.

 

Buffy looks up at Giles.  “Please say there’s a car?” 

 

Giles smiles at her.  There’s a twinkle in his eye that concerns Buffy a little.

 

“I believe Faith is procuring one as we speak.” 

 

*****

 

“Stop it!”  Buffy grunts.  “You keep poking me with your elbow!”

 

“Well, you keep snoring!”  Faith rolls onto her back.  “I’m try’na sleep!”

 

“I do not snore.”  Buffy tries to roll away dramatically, forgetting her shoulder.  She winces.  “I’m injured!  You’re supposed to be looking after me, not bruising my ribs with all the elbowing!”

 

Faith rolls onto her side.  Props her head up with her hand.  “Listen up, Princess.  I haven’t slept in a bed since you got here.  I’m wiped out.  So quit your constant whining, and let me get some GODDAMNED SLEEP!”  And Faith flops back into the pillows.

 

Buffy tries to be quiet.  She shifts around on her back.  Her bandage itches.  Her leg is sweaty where it’s touching Faith’s leg.  The stitching for the rainbow on her shirt is scratchy, and her underwear is riding up in all the wrong places. 

 

“Faith?”  Buffy whispers.  “Faith!  Are you asleep?”

 

No movement. 

 

“C’mon!  My sister fakes better than you.”  Buffy nudges her. 

 

“WHAT!?”  Faith roars at her.

 

Buffy cringes.  Hides her head under the blankets. 

 

“Nothing.”

 

“That’s what I thought.”

 

*****

 

“Mmmm.”  Buffy’s warm.  Tingly and warm all over.  And her shoulder only hurts a little. 

 

She curls her leg up so she can feel it everywhere.  The softness.  She burrows her head in it.  Takes a deep breath of the clean spicy scent, exhales it with a sigh. 

 

Warmth under her hand.  Like hot silk.  Hot silk with curves… and tiny little hairs, and… _Oh nipples._

 

Buffy opens one eye.  She can see dark wavy hair.  She tilts her head slowly.  Opens the other eye.  Finds her hand where she was most afraid it would be.  Off gallivanting on Faith’s breast.  Still idly crossing back and forth over the increasingly erect little bud.  Paying no attention to her demands that it cease and desist.  Or at least that it find its way out from under Faith’s shirt.  _Maybe it’s an evil hand…_

 

Buffy quickly looks up, making sure that Faith’s still asleep.  Eyes closed?  Check.  Breathing deep and rhythmic?  Check. 

 

With that settled, she forces her hand to move down.  Inch by inch, she drags it away from the impressive peak it was exploring.  She breathes a sigh of relief when it reaches the hem of Faith’s shirt.  She just has to roll away.  Then she’ll be…

 

Faith’s solid grip on her wrist, holding her hand flat and firm on tight stomach muscles.  Faith’s dry cracked voice. “Tease.”

 

“Oh crap.”  Mission failure.  Code red.  “I uh… sorry!”  Buffy pulls at her hand, perfectly fine with it being torn off at the wrist. 

 

“Don’t be sorry.”  Faith’s eyes are still closed.  Her grip still holding Buffy’s hand to her.  “Unless you’re not gonna finish the job.”

 

“What?  Um…  I…”  Colour Buffy bright red.

 

“You’re up to speed with the girl on girl, right?”  Faith’s face is stone.  Her voice is stone.  Not at all soft.  “I bet you got mad skills from your chick, Fat Suit.” 

 

“Wha-!”  Buffy tugs at her hand, but it’s held fast, grinding down on Faith’s hip. 

 

“And it’s not like you’re cheating, right?”  Faith rubs Buffy’s hand over the elastic covering her hipbone.  Starting a slow southern descent.  “Not like she’ll even have to know.” 

 

“Faith?  You’re hurting me.  Give me back my hand.”  Buffy attempts a calm voice.  “We can talk about this…”

 

“Why?  I know the sitch.”  Buffy feels her fingers push into Faith’s inner thigh.  “You’re missin’ your girl.  You’re lonely, right?  You wanna little piece before you go running back to her.”

 

“How can you say that?”  Buffy yanks hard, pulling it away with a little gasp of pain.  But Faith’s still attached to her wrist.  “That’s not it at all!” 

 

With a low growl, and incomprehensible speed, Buffy finds herself pinned to the bed.  Faith on top, holding her down by her wrists.  Both eyes wide open now. 

 

“Then tell me.  How is it?”  Faith snarls down at her. 

 

Buffy opens her mouth.  But she’s not brave enough.  Nothing comes out.

 

“You were spilling your guts just yesterday, so what happened?”  Faith smiles her evil smile.  “Or was it just talk?”

 

“No!”  Buffy writhes under Faith’s body.  But mostly it’s the gaze that has her squirming.

 

“So enlighten me.”  Faith loses the smile.  “What the hell do you want from me?”

 

Buffy stops struggling.  Starts thinking. 

 

“Last chance.”  Faith watches Buffy’s face.  Watches her eyes.

 

“I don’t know.”  Buffy closes them.  Hiding the lie.

 

Faith flings Buffy’s wrists away.  Rolls off, disgusted.  “I knew it.”

 

“I don’t think you do.”  Buffy sighs.  “And that’s the problem.”

 

“Don’t care.”  Faith rolls over, pulling the sheets over her shoulders.  “You had your shot.”

 

“How can you sleep?”  Buffy leans up awkwardly on the headboard. 

 

“Easy.”  Faith’s voice is back to calm.  “I close my eyes.  Pretend you don’t exist.  You’re the expert on that.”

 

“I’m fully aware that you exist.”  Buffy crosses her arms, only wincing a little.  “Painfully aware, even.”

 

Faith snores.  Loud, exaggerated nasal rumbling that Buffy finds increasingly annoying.

 

“Faith!”  Buffy wants to slap the girl in the arm with her evil hand.  “Would you STOP?” 

 

The snoring stops, but it’s replaced by the sound of Faith chuckling quietly into her pillow.

 

“It’s not funny.”

 

“Is to me.”  Which is also directed at the pillow.

 

“Fine.”  Buffy slides back under the sheets.  Keeps her body rigid, perilously close to the edge of the mattress. 

 

Buffy blinks in the dark.  Her mind turning faster and faster.  She sighs.  She’s never going to sleep like this.  She carefully settles onto her back.

 

“I’m sorry.”  She whispers into the dark.  “About the…”

 

“Feeling me up?”  She gets a whisper back. 

 

“It wasn’t on purpose.  I woke up… like that.”  Buffy doesn’t have the vocabulary for this conversation.  “It was innocent…”

 

“Didn’t feel innocent to me.”  Faith puts some more breath into her words. 

 

“I know.”  Buffy sighs again.  “But I wouldn’t… um…  I don’t…”

 

“Spit it out.”  Faith shifts under the covers.  “Sun’s coming up.”

 

“What I said.”  Buffy says it slow.  Trying to be precise.  “I think it’s… true.  But I don’t know what it means if it is true…  And I don’t know if it even matters to you at all…  But I don’t want you to think that I’d… that I’d do that.  Use you.”

 

It’s a long break.  Just breathing and quiet. 

 

“Faith?”  Buffy bites her nails.  “You there?”

 

“Thinking.” 

 

“Well can you think out loud?”  Buffy tries to lighten her voice.  “I’m a little too traumatized right now for the silent treatment.”

 

“I was just realizing something.”  Faith grunts and turns onto her back.  “It’s kinda funny really.”

 

“Gonna share?”

 

“It’s all the same thing.”  Buffy waits for Faith to continue.

 

“What you said yesterday.  Why I tried to kill you again.  It’s the same.” 

 

“And now I see the funny.”  Buffy raises a brow.  “Gonna need more than that.”

 

“You pissed me off.” 

 

“That’s it?”  Buffy spits, leaning up on her good arm.  “That’s your big share-time secret?”

 

“That’s the short of it, yeah.”   




 

“What’s the long of it?” 

 

“I was right.  I was right and you were wrong and I still came out the bad guy.”  Faith’s voice is rising.  "I was trying to save Gigi!  Save you!  Still wound up with your fist in my gut and her blood on my hands!  And it pissed me off!” 

 

“But you…”   Buffy starts.

 

Faith raises her hand to stop Buffy speaking.

 

“Don’t.  Let me finish…”  Faith wraps herself up in the sheets.  “You didn’t hear me out.  You didn’t…”  Faith stops.  Shaking her head.

 

“I didn’t what?”  Buffy says it quietly.

 

“You didn’t trust me.”  Faith looks up.  “You never just trust me.” 

 

Buffy blinks.  Feels stinging behind her eyes.

 

"And I get it.  But still, every time..."  Faith turns to meet Buffy's eyes.  No stone left on her face.  Only truth and hurt showing now.

 

“…it burns me up.” 


	6. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part six of Complicated Grief

 

Buffy wakes up alone.  She knew she would.  She saw Faith get dressed and leave when the sun was just peeking out from the horizon.  But it still catches her off guard.  It still makes her a little… sad.

 

She hadn’t been able to sleep either, but she couldn’t just get up and wander the streets.  Even if she hadn’t been shot, it still would have been too dangerous for her to go off alone. 

 

She gets out of bed with only a little trouble.  Stretches out.  Pleased to see that she can fully rotate her arm.  Only a little twinge.  She can deal.

 

A big, open mouthed yawn takes her by surprise.  One that forces her eyes to squeeze shut and sends a shiver down her spine.  Shrugging it off, she shuffles to the bathroom.  Looks at herself in the mirror.  A hot shower might help the hair and skin issues, but nothing’s going to hide the bags under her eyes or the paleness in her cheeks. 

 

She pulls off the bandages.  There’s still a little mark.  Like a dot, the size of a penny.  Same colour too.  Coppery.  She twists around to see the back of it. 

 

“Oh god.”  Nobody had told her how bad…

 

Trying to touch it, she winds her arm around.  Her fingers trail along the raised edge where old meets new.  It’s jagged.  Raw and red.  The flesh that grew there too fast.  It scares her now that she knows.

 

She runs the water, feeling it under her hand.  When it’s hot enough to make its own steam, she climbs in.  Letting it sting.  Hoping it can sear and melt off the layers.  Maybe if she scrubs real hard, she’ll be reborn.  Into fresh skin that’s not so calloused and hard.  Not so obviously broken.

 

She prays to anyone listening that it might be that easy.

 

*****

 

“Anyone?”

 

Buffy watches the cream swirl in her coffee. 

 

“Neither of you have any ideas?”  Giles sips his tea.

 

“None that you haven’t already shot down.”  Faith pushes her mug away.  Coffee isn’t what she wants right now. 

 

“We can’t rely on brawn to solve this.  I’ve already explained that.”  Giles clucks quietly.  “If we want to avoid bloodshed…”

 

“Let’s not rule it out!”  Buffy gets her snark on.  “It’s a useful learning tool.”

 

“I was referring to your blood.”

 

“That’s different then.”  Buffy gulps down the dregs from her cup.  She’s gonna need a refill.  Or eight.

 

“Faith, are you certain she hasn’t moved her base of operations?”  Giles asks again.  “It seems… careless.  She knows that you’ve been there.”

 

“Because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  I know.”  Faith pulls her coffee back to her.  Slides it back and forth in her hands.  “I messed up.”

 

“You did nothing of the sort.  You did what you needed to in order to defeat Simone and help Buffy.”  Giles looks at her kindly.  “You’re the hero of the hour.”

 

“Yeah.  Go me.”  Faith shoves the cup a little too hard, and it topples over.  Coffee spills onto the table.  Pooling there like…  “I’ll get something for that.” 

 

Buffy watches Faith swing out of her seat and hurry off to the counter.

 

“She’s changed.”  Buffy’s eyes stay on Faith.  “You were right about that.”

 

“She’s coming along.”  Giles scrutinizes Buffy’s face.  He knows the signs.  “She’s still quite… fragile…”

 

“Faith?  Fragile?”  Buffy watches her grin and flirt with the hopeless boy working the till.  “Those two words don’t go together, Giles.”

 

“You only see what she wants you to.”  Giles looks at her over his glasses.  “You don’t really know her.  Not anymore.”

 

“I know.”  Buffy sighs. 

 

“If you want a relationship with Faith…”  Giles is feeling very fatherly.  “If you want it to work…” 

 

“Rela-?”  Buffy looks at Giles in fear.  “I don’t know if I’m…  And there’s Satsu…  And with Faith, everything’s…  I mean, what if she doesn’t…”

 

“Buffy….”  Giles hides his amusement, pursing his lips to cut off the smile.  “I meant friendship.  If you choose to pursue a friendship with Faith…”

 

“Why didn’t you say that before?  I nearly had a heart attack!”  Buffy’s eyes narrow.  “What do you know?  Did she say something to you?”

 

 

“This isn’t funny, Giles!”  Buffy crosses her arms, slouching dramatically back in the chair.

 

“What’d I miss?”  Faith comes back with a cloth.  And two free mochas with extra whipped cream. 

 

“I haven’t the foggiest.”  Giles can’t begin to explain.

 

Faith sets one of the mochas in front of Buffy.  She carefully wipes the table clean.  Settles into her chair, scooping the whipped cream with her finger and licking it off.

 

“Thanks.”  Buffy stirs the whipped cream into her coffee.  Watches it whirl.

 

“So, I was thinkin’…”  Faith starts, leaning in. 

 

*****

 

“…and this big dude’s tryin’ to flip me over, see?  So I take him out with that thing you showed me.  The twisty whirly thing?  And he flies about ten feet!  Then his little friend starts up…”

 

“That’s great, Faith.”  Buffy scowls down the dark street ahead.  “Glad to know you’re embracing the violence.”

 

“Just making conversation.”  Faith shoves her hands in her pockets.  “No need to get testy.”

 

“I’m not…”  Buffy shakes off her frustration.  “I’m just tired.  And all this waiting around to get attacked by the bad guys…  It’s making me a little…”

 

“Testy.”  Faith offers.

 

Buffy huffs. 

 

"I get it, B."  Faith completes her thought.  "You haevn't thrown a punch since you got here.  You gotta be just itchin’ for a showdown.”   




 

“You wanna volunteer?”  Buffy laughs wryly.  “I’ll go easy on you.”

 

“Not a chance.  I’m too busy saving your ass.”

 

“Ogling my ass, more like.”

 

“No way!  You’re the one getting grabby!”

 

“It was sleep groping!”  Buffy crosses her arms.  “It doesn’t count!” 

 

“I bet you say that to all the girls…”

 

“You’re right.  I’m such a pervert.”  Buffy rolls her eyes.  “I accidentally brushed up against you in my sleep.  So sorry!  It will NEVER happen again.”

 

“You accidentally…”  Faith doesn’t believe what she’s hearing.  “Whatever.  I gotta pee.”

 

“I told you to go before we left!”

 

“And yet…”  Faith takes a few steps down a side street.

 

“Fine.”  Buffy leans up against a post.  “I’ll wait out here.”

 

“Just go!”  Buffy wishes she had something to throw. 

 

She watches Faith hustle deeper into the alley.  When she disappears behind a dumpster, Buffy turns away.  And pulls out her cell phone.

 

“Harris.”

 

“It’s Buffy.”  Her voice is flat.

 

“Buff!  Are you OK?”  Xander shouts his worry into the phone.  “You’re supposed to check in every twenty-four hours!”

 

“I know, but I ran into Faith.  Things got a little crazy.”  Buffy makes excuses.

 

“Holy cats!  What happened?”  Xander buys them.

 

“I don’t have time to talk.  She’s right around the corner.” 

 

“What’s going on?”  Xander sounds frantic.  “Is she after you?  Are you working together?” 

 

“I need you to do something for me.  I need you to send me a chopper.”

 

“You need an Evac?”  Xander gets professional.  “I can get you out in four hours!”

 

"Xander, I'm fine!"  Buffy sighs.  “I have some… cargo that needs moving, that’s all.”  




 

“What kind of cargo?”  Xander’s confused. 

 

“It’s… sensitive.”  Buffy isn’t going to elaborate.  “Need to know basis.  Just get that chopper here by midnight.  Should be ready then.”

 

“What about Faith?”  Xander thinks he needs to know.  “Are you two…”

 

“What Faith doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”  Buffy says it fast.  “And Faith’s on my side.  For now.”

 

“Buffy, I’m not really understanding…”

 

“You don’t have to understand.”  Buffy snaps.  “Just follow your orders, Harris.”

 

“Jawoll Mein Herr!”  Xander knows Buffy can’t see him.  But he salutes anyway.

 

“Gotta go.  She’s coming back.”  Buffy flips her phone down with a sigh.  There’s gonna be a lot of explaining in her future. 

 

“Who are you talking to?”  Faith walks out of the darkness.  Pulling on her belt buckle.

 

“Nobody…”  Buffy feigns innocence.

 

“Talking to yourself?”  Faith calls her on it.  “You miss me that much?”

 

“Hardly.”

 

Faith looks at her hard.  Inspecting her.  Buffy cringes under the glare. 

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I didn’t…”  Buffy is such a bad liar.

 

“Did you call her?”  Faith grabs Buffy, searching her pockets.  She pulls out Buffy’s phone.  “Did you?”

 

“I just wanted…”

 

“I know what you wanted.”  Faith doesn’t bother to check.  Just smashes it against the brick wall. 

 

“But…”  Buffy looks at the fragments of her phone.  It was the last thing she’d brought with her.  All she had left.

 

“Well, you wanted a showdown.”  Faith cracks her neck.  “Looks like you’re gonna get one.”

 

Buffy turns.  She can make out three figures walking out of the darkness.  The light hits their faces.  She recognizes them from the airport.

 

“Lucky me.”

 

*****

 

“Buffy!”  Faith ducks under a fist.  “Quit distracting me!  I’m workin’ over here!”  She gets her knee up and drives it home.  Shoeshine falls to the ground with a squeak. 

 

“And you!”  Faith turns her glare to the man rolling around in agony.  “Get up, and I guarantee you’ll never breed!”

 

Buffy throws Latte into the ratty chain link fence.  “I’m just saying…”  She watches the woman’s body bounce back into her fist.  “It’s not really stealing if it’s already been stolen by someone else.”  She elbows Sunglasses Guy in the face as he tries to sneak up on her.  “It’s more like… finding.”

 

“Finding and taking are different things, B.”  Faith grabs Latte from behind.  “This isn’t some long dead Nazi’s haul.  It’s real money from real people.  It’s not gonna happen.”  Wraps her elbow around the woman’s neck, twisting her arm behind her back.

 

“But if we could…” Buffy spins around.  Tackles Sunglasses Guy into the brick wall.  Hears his breath whoosh out of him.  Watches him fall bonelessly to the asphalt. 

 

“No.”  Faith hears a snap.  “Oops.”  She loosens her hold.  Turns to Latte apologetically.  “Got a little carried away.”  And punches her in the face.

 

“What are you doing?”  Buffy runs over to intervene.  “That’s enough, Faith!” 

 

 “No!  It’s not!”  Faith punches the woman again.  “After what they’ve done?  I really…”  Faith raises her fist.  “…really want to hurt these people.”

 

 “Faith!”  Buffy gets in between them. 

 

Faith swings out.  Buffy blinks hard when it hits her, swaying back on her heels.  She holds her jaw.  Looking at Faith with the old fear.  The old sadness and pain.

 

Buffy walks backwards.  The defeated assassins forgotten on the ground. 

 

“You hit me.”

 

“You got in my way!”  Faith is a better liar. 

 

“I didn’t want you to…”  Buffy stares her down.  “I didn’t want you to kill her.”

 

“And everything’s about what you want?”  Faith clenches her fists.  “No matter what…”  Her body convulses.  Her eyes go wide with surprise. 

 

She falls to the ground.  Shoeshine steps over her legs, waving his taser gun and smiling with glee. 

 

Buffy watches stupefied as Sunglasses Guy and Latte struggle to stand.  Their groans fill the air.  Her eyes dart back to Faith. 

 

Faith on the ground.  Looking at her with wide eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.”  She mouths it. 

 

And she turns and races away.

 

*****

 

Giles watches the warehouse.  From his position he can see the lookouts that Simone has planted around the perimeter.  He counts them off.  Two at the front.  Three spread out around back. 

 

He opens a long black case.  Begins the task of assembling the pipes and mechanisms.  Tightens every bolt.  Methodically checks and re-checks every part.  When he’s satisfied, he attaches the long thin scope, and takes a step back to inspect his work.

 

_It should be sufficient._

 

Giles takes off his glasses, putting them carefully into his breast pocket.  He peers into the scope, adjusting the focus.  He can see the head of a young girl, at most eighteen.  He widens the sight.  No head shots today.

 

He reaches for his ammunition.  Aims with precision.  He can’t get this wrong. 

 

His finger pulls back on the trigger.  A muffled snap.  A whizzing resonates through the air. 

 

Through the scope, he watches the girl turn in surprise.  Trying to pull the dart out of her rear end. 

 

_Splendid._  

 

He’s the only witness to her stumbling.  To her leaning on the wall, sliding down as the drugs take effect.  Once her shoulders slump and her eyes close, he pans across the alleyway. 

 

Another girl.  This one with short white-blonde hair. 

 

Giles adjusts the scope. 

 

*****

 

Faith leans up against the wall.  Tries to struggle against the arms holding her back. 

 

“Relax.  We’re not here for you.”  She glares up at Latte.

 

“Funny how things work out…”  Faith spits.  Literally.

 

“But seeing as how we’ve got this opportunity...”  Latte wipes it from her face.  “We’ve heard so many good things about you.”

 

“Whatever.”  She looks away.

 

“Every time we choose a girl, you seem to be the one to take her down.”  She runs a hand through her graying hair.  “It’s very upsetting.”

 

“You gonna get all teary?”  Faith pulls her old mask on.  “Or you gonna tell me why you’re here?”

 

“Why are you here, Faith?”  Sunglasses Guy interrupts.  “Why didn’t our favorite blonde heroine save you?  Return the favour, so to speak?”

 

“I’m already bored.”  Faith tugs at her arms again.

 

 “I’ll tell you why.”  Latte leans in.  Crouches in front of her.  “She will never put herself on the line for you.  She doesn’t think you’re worth it.”

 

“Last guy who gave me that speech was dead.”  Faith sneers.  “Wanna join him?”

 

“That’s what we’ve been missing!”  Shoeshine laughs.  “Killer instinct!”

 

Latte stands up.  Nods to the other two.  They let go of Faith’s arms, and she forces herself to stand. 

 

“As long as you’re on the wrong side, you’ll never get the respect that you deserve.”  Latte offers her arm.  Faith looks at her like she’s crazy. 

 

“I’d like to make you an offer…”  Latte shrugs it off. 

 

“..I can’t refuse?”  Faith grimaces.  “Watch me.”

 

“We don’t want you to kill Buffy.  Not just yet.  Although I don’t see why you have such a big problem with it.”  She rolls his eyes.  “The girl does whine, doesn’t she?”

 

“Like a jet engine.”  Faith tilts her head, her hair settling around her shoulders.  “You got a point?” 

 

“Absolutely.”  She looks her over, appraising her worth.  “She’s not on your side.  We are.”

 

“Right.  And I’ll just take your word for it.”

 

“You don’t have to.  You can take Buffy’s.”  Shoeshine pulls a slim black device from his pocket.  Clicks down on a button and hands it to Faith. 

 

Faith listens to the fuzzy voices.  Hears the conversation between Buffy and Xander. 

 

She keeps her mask on.  It nearly breaks her.  But she doesn’t flinch.

 

“Now do you see?”  He tries to look less triumphant.  “You’re a means to an end for her, nothing more.”

 

Faith glances at the empty road ahead.  The road Buffy ran down when she deserted her.  She sets her jaw.  Turns back to them, her eyes blazing.

 

“So...”  Her voice is hard.  She stares Latte down.  “What can I do for you, Boss?”

 

*****

 

Giles watches the tranquilizer dart shoot past the final target’s legs and hit the wall with a smack.  Watches her look around.  She picks it up.  Her eyes travel up, scanning the rooftops. 

 

He watches her confusion build as she searches for her associates.  And finally he watches her bolt away, a flash of colour and speed. 

 

_That’s right.  Good girl._

 

Giles begins to disassemble his rifle.  Putting the pieces back into the case with care.  He snaps it shut, and tucks it under his arm.

 

He’s got to get inside before Simone arrives.

 

*****

Faith flattens her back against the wall.  Grateful for the darkness in the warehouse.  She can be quiet.  She can be still as death if it means she’ll get the upper hand. 

 

Voices now.  One yelling and angry.  The others mousy and apologetic, deferential.

 

_Uh oh.  Daddy’s home._

 

She closes her eyes.  Focuses on the details.  The creaking floorboards.  The slamming of doors.  The inflection in their speech.

 

“What do you mean they disappeared?”  Simone is pissed.

 

“They were just… gone!” 

 

“Dammit!  Did you check the room?” 

 

“No!  I just ran to get you!”  A thump.  Then another. 

 

“Did you have to hit her?  She was only following your orders!”  This one’s voice is high pitched.  Squeaky. 

 

“You watch it.”  They’re closer now.  She can hear the tap as Simone’s gun hits something metallic.  Belt buckle maybe. 

 

Faith opens her eyes.  They’re predatory.  Feral.

 

_Showtime.  _

 

“You’re too late.”

 

“Who’s there?”  Simone raises her gun.

 

“You don’t remember me?”  Faith struts out.  “Damn!  Thought I left an impression!”

 

“You are so dead.”  Simone racks the chamber.  Signals to her crew to back off.  It’s her kill.

 

“Just thought I’d give you the heads up.”  Faith raises her hands.  “But if you don’t wanna know, I’ll just head out.” 

 

“You’re not going anywhere.”  Simone waves the gun.  “You tell me where Buffy is.  Then I shoot you.”

 

“That plan’s missin’ a few key details.”  Faith counts them off on her hand, steadily walking forward.  “One, if I knew where Buffy was, I’d kill her myself.  Two, you shoot me?  Your bosses are gonna be pissed.”

 

“Doubt it.”  Simone sneers.  “I’ll probably get a bonus for taking the both of you out.”

 

“Not so much.”  Faith grins wide.  Runs her hands along the sides of her body.  “Check out your replacement.”

 

Faith watches Simone’s face fall.

 

“Your sugar daddy pulled the plug on you.”  Faith says it casually.  “Figured he wasn’t gettin’ a good enough return on his investment.”

 

“They wouldn’t do that!” 

 

“Because life is fair and people don’t lie?”  Faith laughs out loud.  “You failed, Tank Girl.  You don’t get do overs.”  She raises her brows for emphasis.  “They hired someone more qualified for the job.”

 

“You?”  Simone scoffs.  “There’s no way!  Unless you’re planning to lick her to death.” 

 

“Not today.”  Faith gets a visual.  It’s nice.  She’ll hang on to that for later.  “Today I got a different mission.” 

 

“What’s that?”  The gun is heavy in Simone’s hand.  It wavers.

 

“Take the cash.”  Faith coils her body.  “And take you out.”

 

It takes Simone a moment.  For it to sink in.  For her to gather herself and squeeze the trigger.  But it’s too late.

 

Faith's hand is on her wrist, twisting and bending it into painful positions.  The other rams into her throat.  Slamming her through the cheap plaster wall and into the main room.  The gun flies out of her hand.  Sailing through the air, and then clattering across the concrete.

 

Simone lands on her back.  She can see Faith push her way through the plaster, looking wild and determined.  Throwing the lackeys out of her way with irritation as she focuses on her prey.

Neither of them notices the gut stop at the toe of an extremely expensive strappy heel.

A delicate hand picks up the gun.  Slips a manicured finger onto the trigger, and points the gun.

 

“Faith?”

 


	7. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of Complicated Grief

“Faith?”  Buffy holds the gun out awkwardly.  “I’m totally swelling up.  Did you hafta hit me so hard?” 

 

“Sorry!  Heat of the moment.”  Faith smiles at her.  Then spins around to kick the bruised minion in the face. 

 

“Need a hand?”

 

“Nah, B.  I got it covered."  Faith shoves Squeaky back with an open hand, laughing when she lands with a clatter in the pile of dirty dishes.  "Unless you want some payback on Punky Brewster here.”       




 

Simone raises herself up on her elbows.  Watching open mouthed at the friendly exchange. 

 

“Maybe just a little.”  Buffy looks at the gun.  Looks at Simone.  “Get up.” 

 

Simone stands up, dusting the plaster off her clothes.  Eyes on the gun.

 

“The thing about guns…”  Buffy inspects it.  “You don’t really need to know how to use them.  There’s no skill involved, right?”  She sticks her tongue out, concentrating.  Aims at Simone’s chest.  “Like a digital camera.  Point and shoot.”

 

“Actually, Buffy.”  Giles steps out of the hallway, pressing a handkerchief to his forehead.  “The use of firearms usually requires a certain amount of precision.”  He walks over and gently takes the gun from Buffy’s hand.  “However, at this range…”

 

“Where the hell did you come from?”  Simone stares at him.

 

"From the roof, if you must know."  Giles absently answers, while emptying the gun of its bullets.

 

"You sure you don't want a piece of this?"  Faith smiles over at Buffy, glowing with adrenalin.  Bruised Face takes the chance and lands a high kick to Faith's forehead.

 

Faith feels the cut starting just above her eyebrow.  She holds it, trying to stop the blood from spilling into her eyes.  “Anyone got a Band-Aid?”  She gives Squeaky a solid smack, and turns her sights back to Bruised Face.

 

 “What did you do to my crew?”  Simone darts her eyes between the three intruders.  

 

“They’re unharmed.”  Giles looks at her with his stoic face.  “Aside from some future difficulty sitting down.”

 

“I hid the bodies!"  Buffy smirks at her, all self-satisfied.  She turns and punches Squeaky in the gut, sending her sprawling across the floor.  "I’m talking here!”  




 

“You can’t do this to me!”  Simone looks very much like a wild thing. 

 

“It’s already done.  Think of it as an intervention.”  Buffy knows she’s being patronizing.  But she can’t help it.  “You’re all high on gunpowder and shooting things up.  So you’re going to Slayer Rehab.”

 

“The hell I am!”  Simone backs away.  Looking for an exit. 

 

“Not like you got any say.”  Finally done beating the minions senseless, Faith strides over to Buffy.  “There’s nowhere you can go.  We made sure of that.”

 

“For some reason, Twilight’s gonna think you took their ill-gotten booty and high-tailed it to parts unknown.”  Buffy hears Faith giggle.  “What?”

 

“You said booty.” 

 

“What’re you, five?”  Buffy rolls her eyes.

 

“Nope.  I’m five by five.”  Faith smiles.  She gets a shining grin back.

 

“But…  But…”  Simone’s confused.

 

“Basically?”  Faith sums it up.  “Gotcha!”

 

“Oh!”  Buffy strides up to Simone.  “I almost forgot.”  She smiles her friendliest smile.  Tilts her head.

 

And knocks her out with a helluva punch.

 

“Payback.”

 

*****

 

“…so, that’s the plan…”  Faith hesitates.  “Whaddya think?”

 

“For the record?”  Buffy raises her hand.  “Hate the plan.”

 

 “Giles?”  Faith watches his face for a sign.  But he’s too British to give anything away.  “Giles!”

 

“I think it’s bloody brilliant.”  Giles says it quietly.  “But putting yourself at risk like that…”

 

“See?  Too much risk!”  Buffy waves her hands in front of her.  A definitive ‘No’ gesture.  “We’re looking for something risk-less.”

 

“Like what?”  Faith’s getting agitated.  “I don’t think Simone’s up for a pillow fight.  We gotta strike now, while we still have a shot!”

 

“I already had a shot, thanks!”  Buffy rolls her shoulder.  “I don’t recommend it.”

 

“Let’s take a moment to lower our voices, perhaps.”  Giles looks warily around.  Starts again in a low tone.  “Faith, what makes you think they’ll try to recruit you?” 

 

“I’m the first round draft pick.”  Faith smiles thinly.  “I got the invite once already.”

 

“There has to be another way…”  Buffy tries vainly to think of one.

 

“Twilight’s been playing us from the start.  They’re tracking your cell…”  Faith points at Buffy.  “…and I’m sure they’ve got someone tailing us.  I say we use what we know, and use what they know.  Play them for a change.” 

 

“No.”  Buffy stands up.  Looks at Faith.  “I won’t let you do this.  Not now…”  She crosses her arms, and marches off to the bathroom.

 

“Buffy, you can’t just…”  Giles reaches for her, and then his hands drop in defeat.

 

“Lemme get this one.”  Faith smiles lightly at Giles, and then rushes to catch up to Buffy. 

 

She pushes open the door to the bathroom.  Checks every stall.  Only one is locked.

 

“B!”  Faith knocks.  And waits.  “Alright fine.  If you want me blabbing all about our little surprise party through a bathroom door…”

 

There’s a click, and the door opens an inch.  Faith scoots in, locking it behind her. 

 

Buffy’s sitting on the tank of the toilet.  Her feet resting on the seat. 

 

“What’s the deal?”  Faith leans against the door.

 

“I don’t think I can do it.”  Buffy looks down at the floor. 

 

“Which part?”

 

“Any of it.”  Buffy notices a roll of toilet paper down there on the linoleum.  Her eyes follow it under the partition. 

 

“C’mon Buffy!  You been jabbing at me since you got here.  I’m sure you can think of something…”

 

“But I…”  Buffy looks up, her eyes running up the length of Faith’s body.  “I don’t…  It’s different now.”

 

“So what if it is?”  Faith smiles a little at that.  “It’s just a game.  We play this right?  We get Simone off the streets and we get dirt on Twilight.” 

 

“And if we play it wrong?”  Buffy shifts her feet.  “I can’t…  I can’t just leave you there.”

 

“Nothing’s gonna happen to me.”  Faith tries a little lie.  “You do your part…”

 

“I don’t like my part.”  Buffy puts on her sulky voice.  “I wanna be the Princess!”

 

“Course you do.”  Faith laughs.  She’s winning this.  “But in the end, Buffy?  You’re always the hero.  It’s just who you are.”

 

“You’re right.”  Buffy stands up.  Wipes her hands on her jeans.  “And it’s about time I remembered that.”

 

Faith watches the change in Buffy’s body language.  She seems taller.  More present. 

 

“Three conditions.  One?  I’m not going to abandon you.”  Buffy stops Faith’s protest with a look.  “I’ll make it look good, and then circle back.  Hide somewhere ‘till I know you’re safe.”

 

“You don’t need…”

 

“This isn’t a discussion.”  Buffy’s in full General mode.  “Two?  We go shopping.  I am not fighting evil in this outfit.”  But she’s still Buffy. 

 

“You look wicked in that outfit.  A little butch…”

 

“Who can take me seriously in this shirt?  And my nails are just crying out for a buff and polish.”  Buffy brushes against her, moving to the door.

 

“What’s three?”  Faith tries to move back.  Her heels hit the wall. 

 

“Oh.  Three.”  Buffy smiles.  She stands on her toes, and leans in.  Slides her hand under Faith’s hair, massaging her neck.  And lightly, softly pulls her in.

 

The sky doesn’t fall and the earth doesn’t tremble.  It’s not the kiss to end all kisses.  To them, it feels like a beginning.  A soft, pliant, open-mouthed beginning.

 

Buffy breaks away. 

 

“Three’s good.”  Faith shows her dimples.  “I can get behind three.”

 

“Thought you might.”  Buffy unlocks the door.

 

“Hold up!”  Faith puts her hand over Buffy’s.  “I have some terms of my own, y’know.”  She leans in.  It’s Buffy’s turn to hit the wall.

 

"Well, really only one."  Faith cups her chin.  Shows a rare sweet smile.  Brushes her lips against Buffy's cheek.  her forehead.  Her mouth.  Sucking on her lips.  tracing them with her tongue.  Pushing through to taste the mocha flavoured Buffy-ness.  She only pulls away to breathe.

 

Buffy’s eyes are still closed.  Her mouth still parted slightly.  Lips plumped by kissing.  And a gentle innocence showing on her face.  It makes Faith’s chest hurt.

 

“So, uh.”  Faith steps away.

 

"Mmmm?"  Buffy's eyes flutter open.




 

“We should get back.  Giles…”  Faith pulls at the door.  It’s stuck.

 

"I think he can wait..."  Buffy flirts shamelessly.  Trailing a finger down Faith's arm.

 

“You keep looking at me like that?”  Faith tugs harder, starting to panic.  “Not sure I can.” 

 

Buffy giggles, and takes her foot off the base of the door. 

 

“I mean it this time.”  Faith smiles, but she’s only half joking.  “You’re a tease.” 

 

“Nuh-uh!”  Buffy saunters out of the stall, heading back into the cafe.  “I’m the hero.”  She pauses, and turns.  A glittering grin on her perky face.

 

“And the hero always gets the girl.”

 

*****

 

With a final grunt, Faith drops the last unconscious body on the gravelly rooftop.  She checks the bindings.  If she can’t break them, no way Simone can.

 

“Is that everything?”  Faith looks around.  Goes through her mental list.  “Seven dumb-ass chicks, a computer... and oh yeah…  Fifty million Euro, give or take.” 

 

"I still vote take!"  Buffy looks back over her shoulder.  "Giving is for suckers!"  She turns her eyes back to the dark horizon.  A black speck hovers just below the clouds.  It's the chopper.  Or she's got dirt in her eye.

 

“Is she still going on about it?”  Giles takes of his glasses.  Wipes them with his ever present handkerchief. 

 

“Non-stop.”  Faith gazes at Buffy looking out into the night.  Her hair touched lightly by the moonlight, caught up in the wind.  It’s like a scene from a movie.  The kind of movie that Faith would never, ever admit to watching.

 

“Do you think she might...”  Giles looks concerned. 

 

"She's just sulking.  Faith laughs.  “She won’t do anything stupid.”   




 

Giles looks at the bags, overflowing with riches. 

 

“It is tempting…”  Giles speaks up, as the helicopter starts to drown them out.

 

“Not you too!”  Faith shakes her head.  “It’s just wrong when I’m the upstanding citizen.”

 

“Terrifying, more like.”  Giles allows a brief smile.

 

“Watch it, G.”  Faith grins up at him.  Ducking down instinctively as the chopper makes its landing.

 

Buffy walks towards it.  Waving and smiling as Xander and Renee hop out.

 

“Hi guys!” 

 

"Ma'am."  Renee nods to her.

 

“So, Buffy.  I’m here, as ordered.”  Xander has his angry on.  “What does mistress desire?”

 

“Knock it off, Xander.”  Buffy jumps up and gives him a big hug.  “It was all for the good.”

 

“Yeah, sorry about that.”  Faith strolls up to him.  “Knew we could count on you, though.”

 

“Faith.”  Xander almost smiles.  “Wait…  Are you evil?”

 

“Not so you’d notice.”  Faith catches a strange look from Buffy.  She ignores it, nodding over at Renee.  “She yours?”

 

“Yep.”  Xander grins, then grunts as Renee belts him in the stomach.  “I mean, not mine in the sense of ownership.  Because that’s unhealthy and old fashioned.  But in the sense that we, as equals…”

 

“Quit while you’re behind.”  Renee smirks.  “So you’re Faith.”  She gives her the once over.  “You don’t look so tough.”

 

“She’s feisty!”  Faith pats Xander on the back.  “Nice catch!”

 

“Stop torturing the boy.”  Giles struggles under the weight of one of the bags.  “We need him to fly this infernal contraption.”

 

“Good.  I was running low on stuffy and British.”  Xander takes it from him.  “Hey Giles.”

 

“Wanna start with these?”  Buffy signals to Renee.  She grabs one of the girls and starts dragging.

 

“Who are they?”  Renee grabs another. 

 

“New pop super group.”  Buffy slings the girl into a seat.  Does up the buckle.  “We’re thinking of booking them for the Christmas party.”

 

“Okay.  No more questions.”  Renee flops hers in the seat beside. 

 

“Good plan.”  Faith picks up the last five bags, leaving Giles to carry the computer.

 

“What’s in there?”  Xander tries to peek. 

 

“Laundry.”  Faith bounces past him. 

 

“Secret laundry?”  Xander looks incredulous.  “You’re not even trying.  I deserve a better lie than that!”

 

“All right, Xander.  You wore me down.”  Faith drops the bags in the cargo hold.  “The bags are full of money.  Lots and lots of money.”

 

“Fine.”  Xander stomps off to the cockpit.  “Don’t tell me.”

 

*****

 

Renee puts her hand on Xander’s knee.  He jumps, but only a little.

 

“I wonder what’s going on…”  Renee turns back to peek behind her.

 

“You mean with the kidnapping and big mysterious bags of Faith’s laundry?”  Xander can’t look.  He’s working the stick.

 

“No.  I mean, what’s going on between those two.”  Renee twists in her seat.  Fully backwards now. 

 

“Those two, who?”  Xander tries to peek.  The chopper swings sharply to the right.  “Okay, lesson learned.  Avoid fiery horrible death.”

 

“I mean, look at her.”  Renee has a strange tone in her voice. 

 

“Can’t.”  Xander wishes there was a rearview mirror on this infernal contraption.  “Fiery horrible death.”

 

“Oh right.”  Renee tries to explain.  “I’ve just…  She’s always so…”  She shakes her head, waiting for words to fill in her blank thoughts.  “She’s always got this thing about her.  Like she’s not there, you know?  Like she’s already out the door and ten steps ahead.”

 

“That’s our Buffy.”  Xander hits a little turbulence.

 

“But right now she looks…  She looks normal or something.”  Renee figures it out.  “Without the weight she always carries on her shoulders…  She looks happy.”

 

“Okay, this I’ve gotta see.”  Xander puts on his best puppy dog face.  “Take the control, please?”

 

“What’re you gonna do for me?”  Renee grins.  Puppy dog face is the cutest thing ever. 

 

“I dunno.”  Xander thinks.  Then he gets a grin.  Not the goofy boy grin.  A real live sexy man grin.  “What does mistress desire?”

 

“Damn, you’re getting good at this!”  Renee takes the co-pilot position.  “Go, peep at your friends.”  She frowns.  That came out wrong.

 

Xander turns around eagerly. 

 

What he sees kinda breaks him a little.  For the first time in forever, he sees his friend.  Not her war face, or her lonely face, or her stoic face.  Just her Buffy face.  Leaning against Faith’s shoulder.  Fast asleep.  Her hair draped across her cheek, her hand cradling Faith’s knee.  And a perfect little smile.

 

He turns away.  Back to the big chair.  He grins to cover up the lump in his throat.

 

"Yep.  That’s our Buffy.”   




 


End file.
